


The Sanga and the Devil

by Nicole Premier (MistressArachnia), SonicoSenpai



Series: The Prince and the Touga series [3]
Category: Lamento -BEYOND THE VOID-, Togainu no Chi
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Alternate Universe - Historical, Anger, Angst, Arranged Marriage, Bondage, Catboys, Ceremonies and Rituals, Continuation of the original story, Crossover Pairings, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Defilement, Demons, Despair, Devil of Fear, Dominance, Drama, Fairy Tale Elements, Forced Marriage, Frustration, Graphic Description, Incubus Nano, Konoe's life is going downhill from here, M/M, Masochism, Moral Ambiguity, Neko version of Togainu No Chi cast, Purity, Rape/Non-con Elements, S&M, Sadism, Sexual Slavery, Smut, So is Nano's, Submission, Subspace, Twisted Fairytale, Uke Nano, What happens when you marry an incubus, hopelessness, incubus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2020-05-16 18:28:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19323685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistressArachnia/pseuds/Nicole%20Premier, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonicoSenpai/pseuds/SonicoSenpai
Summary: The next installment of the Prince and The Touga, this is a collaborative work that takes place after both the original and MistressArachnia's concurrent story, The Devil and The Touga. Please note that this is a dark work and please don't ignore the triggers.For the good of Sisa, Leaks forces Konoe and Nano into an arranged marriage, but Konoe is in love with Rai, and Nano just wants to go home to Akira.This story will continue after Konoe's unexpected betrothment and Nano's adventures in Leaks' dungeon, detailing their now compulsory marriage, the rituals that it entails, and the aftermath. Also, if you were frustrated with Konoe's parents' behavior in the original, some of their motivation will become clearer in this story.We'll be updating tags as necessary.





	1. Nano vs Leaks

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Prince and the Touga](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16422674) by [SonicoSenpai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonicoSenpai/pseuds/SonicoSenpai). 
  * Inspired by [The Devil and the Touga](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19150078) by [Nicole Premier (MistressArachnia)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistressArachnia/pseuds/Nicole%20Premier). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this first chapter, written from Nano's POV, we learn some of his background and why he even came to Sisa in the first place.
> 
> Also, Nano confronts Leaks, who in Nano's mind has breached their contract. Leaks offers an explanation and instructions for the next few days.
> 
> Trigger Warning: Rough, dub-con sex, sadomasochism, intimidation.
> 
> I've added a summary at the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, dear readers! I am SO freaking excited about this collaboration--and I'm honored to be able to work with Nicole Premier on this fic. We will be switching between POVs--between Nano's and Konoe's--throughout this work. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as we are enjoying writing it!  
> -ss
> 
> Please be sure to check out the related works before you start this one. If they are not your cup of tea, I totally understand.

This wasn't how it was supposed to end.

Nano sat quietly on a white marble bench in the secluded garden, staring vacantly at the white roses surrounding him. Their sweet fragrance wafted on the midsummer breeze. Once, he might have described them as peaceful. Beautiful. But he couldn’t enjoy them. Not tonight. Tonight, his dark thoughts and memories waged war against his futile hopes and dreams, uniting forces to shred his cursed soul apart. All of his senses felt numb. This didn’t feel real. Yet he could still hear the guests’ laughter and merrymaking over the celebratory music.

… Celebrating his own unexpected betrothal to the crown prince of Sisa - a beautiful young Sanga with incredible power, sought after by many: Prince Konoe. Anyone else would have been overjoyed with the news.

… But he wasn’t anyone else.

His beloved Akira was trapped, alone, waiting impatiently for him to return to Meigi and free him.

Akira wasn't a prince. Nor a Sanga. He was an orphaned peasant boy with no family or titles, who lived alone in the forest outskirts of Meigi. He had few friends and earned his living by hunting and competing in underground street fights. He was stubborn and willful, with fierce blue eyes and messily cropped silver fur. From the first day they met, Nano had loved him. Never once had this kitten looked at Nano with fear. Nor revulsion. Akira had taken his hand, even covered in blood. He was so brave.

And so very beautiful.

When he closed his eyes, Nano could still feel the euphoric ripples of anticipation that had been coursing through his veins before dinner. He had been looking forward to going home tonight, his obligations fulfilled and contract complete. He had spent enough time in these haunted halls. There was nothing left for him here. Shiki was dead. Akira should have been freed, and Nano should have been in his beloved’s arms before the morning light illuminated the horizon.

But what should have been had not come to pass.

It was so foolish. Why hadn't he considered this possibility when he agreed to Leaks' proposal? Nano had been certain the little Sanga would choose the Setsuran Touga, Rai, as his future husband. And in fact, he _had_. The Kiran, Asato, would have naturally been his next choice. The lovesick kitten made his own wishes clear to the entire kingdom and had been publicly exposed and beaten for it. Konoe didn’t want to marry Nano any more than Nano wanted to marry him.

By some cruel twist of fate, Leaks and Shui had forced their son into an arranged marriage with the one person in the entire competition who had _not_ come to Sisa seeking his hand. Nor his bewitching voice. Nor his cute, shapely ass.

It wasn’t that Nano disliked the little kitten. He liked Konoe well enough. He was sweet and charming and eager to please… if for no better reason than the fact that he feared retribution if he did not submit. To be honest, seeing the young prince interact with the others so naturally and elegantly made Nano realize just how terribly he must have done when the same performance had been expected of him. But even _that_ didn’t seem to be enough to satisfy his guardians, and that made Nano's demonic blood seethe.

Nano had hoped to see the prince go to a good home where he would be loved and cherished all the rest of his days. He was a sweet little kitten, and he deserved that. And Nano, of all people, didn’t want to be the one to steal it away from him. 

But he wasn’t in love with Konoe, any more than Konoe was in love with him. His heart had already been claimed, just as Konoe’s had - both of them by silver Tougas. He didn't resent the little kitten for it. How could he?

Even after their ceremonial night together, when he lay awake with the little prince snuggled close in his arms, stroking his soft fur, Nano’s fantasies had been occupied with thoughts of Akira. Maybe, once all of this was over, Akira would agree to accompany him to Konoe and Rai’s wedding. It would take some convincing, of course. But then he could show him the castle where he had grown up, take him through the gardens he so loved. Maybe some of the secret passageways he remembered were still hidden. How he would love to sneak away with Akira and make love to him in the crystal-filled underground caverns beneath the old sakura grove, which had since been turned into an ugly hedge maze. Were his journals still there? His old sketchbooks? Or had they, too, become part of the cavern floor as stalagmites grew over and engulfed them?

Every night when he lay in bed, listening to Konoe’s heated voice as he entertained his suitors, Nano would wonder… what would Akira think of these fine sheets? The grand fireplace in these chambers? Unnecessary and frivolous, probably… but nonetheless, Nano couldn’t help wishing he could pin down his little silver Touga on these fine burgundy sheets, and he couldn’t help imagining how beautiful his fair skin would look illuminated by the flicker of fire and moonlight streaming through the stained glass windows. He wanted to lay in bed and feed him the fine food and wine that had been brought to him every night since his arrival… even though he had a feeling Akira would probably complain simply because it wasn’t omurice. Nano smiled to himself at the thought. He had preemptively gone to the kitchen and confirmed with the chef that they did indeed know how to make omurice to ensure that his lover wouldn’t starve at these opulent banquets.  
  
That reminded him, he had been meaning to ask Tokino after the announcement if it would be possible to purchase some tea leaves and a teapot, and perhaps a bit of cream and honey, to take back home to Meigi to share with Akira. Surely some of Shiki’s possessions would be worth something in trade. How nice it would be to wake up in Akira's bed to such pleasures.

But Nano hadn’t been expecting that he would be betrothed tonight. He wished it was a mistake. That he had simply heard wrong. He wanted to wake up. Sometimes reality could be worse than any nightmare.

It stung so much to have all of his dreams and fantasies torn away. Just when everything he had ever wanted was within his grasp, it had all crumbled apart, slipping like sand through his fingertips. It had taken Nano over a century to find acceptance, to finally fall in love with someone who returned his affections. With a mortal, no less. Beautiful and impermanent, just like the sakura blossoms he had so loved as a child. Akira's body was warm and soft in his arms. Alive. So strong… and yet, so vulnerable.

How tragic it is, to love something that can be touched by death.

Akira was his weakness - the one thing that he knew could utterly destroy him. And Nano wouldn't have it any other way. That was why he had come back to Sisa after all these years - to a place he had long forgotten and blocked from his memory. But he would go to the ends of the earth and back for his brave little Touga if it meant he would see him smile again.

All of the horrors that had started within these walls so many years ago and ended in Meigi, all of his pain and suffering, his terror and despair, his hatred and vengeance… all of the blood that stained his hands after he rose from the ashes… _everything_ would have been worth it if it meant he would live long enough to one day meet Akira. He would do it all again, just to live one single lifetime together. And at the end of it all, to give up his immortality and die in his arms.

Was that so much to ask?

Nano stood like a wraith in the doorway, his silk robes fluttering softly in the midsummer breeze. His slender silhouette cast a long shadow that blocked the silver moonbeams as he lingered at the entrance to Leaks’ private chambers. This scene brought back distant memories from long ago, but the nostalgia he might once have felt at seeing his old friend had since melted to betrayal.

The sorcerer, as Nano expected, had left the party early. Leaks had never liked crowds, and Konoe’s spectacle at dinner had left him in a sour mood. He wasn’t asleep, nor even at work with one of his books or potions. Instead, he was gazing out the window towards his son’s chambers, his back to the open doorway. Waiting for him. Knowing he would come.

“I can feel your presence, Nano. Come in and close the door. Ask your questions of me. I will answer.”

Nano stepped inside, closing the door quietly behind him. He heard the latch click, though he had not touched it.

“… This is not what we agreed.”

Leaks did not even bother to turn around when he heard the anguish in Nano’s deep voice.

“This is _exactly_ what we agreed.”

Nano sighed softly. An uncomfortable silence settled between them.

“… What sin has your son committed that is so grievous that you would condemn him to wed a demon?”

At this, Leaks finally turned his gaze.

“Oh, Konoe is guilty of a number of sins, but that’s not why you were chosen. We’ll do our best to get him prepared properly for you, but as you can see he’s a bit… willful. He’s been spoiled for so long he thinks he can get whatever he wants by screaming.”

It was cruel, but there was a shred of truth in such an unjust claim lobbied against a child whose heart had just been broken… or there _might_ have been, if Leaks hadn’t placed that collar around Konoe’s neck to prevent him from singing.

“Our contract stated that I would participate fully in this ritual this week, and at its conclusion, you would give me what I asked.”

“Yes,” Leaks agreed, “but the entire purpose behind the ritual was to find the best prospective marriage partner for Prince Konoe. And you are clearly the best match. No one would refute it. Your performance in the arena was unmatched. And I’m willing to bet that your performance in the bedroom was as well. Konoe has no reason to complain. He’s simply not used to not getting his own way. You’ll have to discipline him… but I trust a demon who kills as easily as he draws breath will have no problem with  _that_. If you could tame Shiki in only four days, Konoe will be easy.”

Nano lowered his eyes in silence at the implications. It was as though Leaks were telling him flat out to beat their heartbroken son into submission. If the victim in question was someone like Shiki, he would take no issue in doing exactly as they requested.

… But Konoe was nothing like Shiki.

“The ritual was intended to find the strongest Touga to bond with your little Sanga. I am no Touga, and never have been. You knew that when I entered.”

“Actually, I did not. It came as quite a surprise to learn from Shui that you were a Sanga. But it doesn’t matter. As you’ve repeatedly stated all week, there’s nothing whatsoever special to being a Touga. You and I both know that. It isn’t like being a Sanga. No one is born a Touga. People train for years to perfect their skills on the battlefield, and call themselves Tougas as they please, regardless of their expertise. You may not have formally trained for combat… but even if the other contestants practiced for a hundred years, none of them could ever hope to match you on the battlefield. Not even with Konoe by their side. You, even as a Sanga, are a better Touga than all of them.”

“… What is one more drop of water to a river? I have no need of a Sanga.”

“I’m well aware, considering you are one yourself. Yet you came here asking my help and agreed to compete for our son’s hand in marriage in place of Shiki. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials.”

Nano’s heart sunk. He had hoped that this conversation would go differently, but in his heart he had known full well Leaks would take this position before he arrived. That was why only a few hours ago he had publicly agreed to the betrothal at dinner, though given the events preceding the announcement, he knew it made him look like a monster. But he could not afford to anger Leaks. Not now. But perhaps they could reach another agreement - one that would be mutually beneficial.

“… What of our contract?”

Leaks turned his stern gaze to look directly at the demon.

“What of it?”

Nano’s soulful deep blue eyes shimmered with a hint of iridescent purple.

“… Will you release him?”

Leaks eyed him carefully, sizing him up before replying.

“No. I will not. Not until this ritual is complete. What you are asking is not a trifling task. As you know, soul magic is forbidden, its knowledge obscure. You will not be able to find another mage willing to perform such a delicate task. All of the sigils must be in proper alignment, or the soul inside will shatter. That would be tragic. I trust you do not wish this to happen.”

Of course he did not. It was too horrible a possibility even to contemplate. Just the thought of it made Nano’s blood boil and despair cloud his vision. The knowledge that it might truly come to pass tore open a hole in his heart from which he was bleeding profusely.

“… What will it take to satisfy you?”

“After your marriage to Konoe, I will honor your request.”

Nano’s long eyelashes lowered, and for a moment he was silent as a torrent of emotions washed over him.

What would Akira say, once he was free and Nano finally came back for him? When he ran into his arms with tears of joy and relief running down his cheeks, knotting his hands into the fabric of Nano’s clothes so tightly that his knuckles turned white… only for Nano to introduce him to his new husband?

He would rather die than betray his beloved in such a cruel and heartless manner. But… alas, death was not one of the options he had been presented with. Nano’s only choice here was between Akira’s heart and his soul. It was _Akira’s_ life on the line, not his own.

And the choice between them was clear… as much as he loathed it.

“… This is not the color I would have chosen. But there is no use mourning what has already come to pass. I wish to amend our contract to clarify that once the marriage ceremony is over, you will honor our agreement and release the soul within that ring without harming it or tampering with it in any way.”

“Once the marriage is _consummated_ , I will consider our contract complete and shall do as you ask.”

Nano wondered vaguely if royal marriage consummation was still done the same way it was when he was Konoe’s age. Not that it mattered. He was an incubus, after all, and he had long since lost all notions of shame or modesty.

“… I will do as you ask.”

Leaks cocked his head.

“No argument at all? You’re awfully concerned about that soul if you’re willing to go to such lengths to retrieve it. I think Shui was right after all. He'll be so happy. It’s your lover’s soul trapped in that gemstone, isn’t it?”

Nano’s heart caught in his throat, though he remained as expressionless as ever and kept his lips tightly sealed. If Leaks wished to see this match work out, the mere existence of Nano’s lover might be perceived as a threat. A threat the sorcerer could easily destroy.

“You give yourself away too easily, Nano. Even with that unreadable expression of yours. I know you too well. You’re worried that I will kill him, now that I’ve accurately guessed whose life I hold in my grasp. And perhaps you’re right… but only if you don’t cooperate.”

Nano’s eyes flashed bright purple.

“Ha, see? You don’t like that at all. You’re thinking, ‘if he kills this person, I will destroy every man, woman, and child in Sisa as vengeance… starting with _your_ lover.’ Isn’t that right, Nano?”

It was, in fact, _exactly_ what Nano had been thinking. Most mortals couldn’t read him at all, but this one read him too easily. Years ago, he had enjoyed the sorcerer's unique gift of understanding. Now… he despised him for it.

“There is only one course of action for us both. Marry Konoe, and I’ll keep my word and free your lover. Completely unharmed. I will not tamper with his soul in the slightest, lest I incur your wrath. And I know perfectly well that you would retaliate against me if given the slightest provocation.”

Nano could not argue with his logic, as much as he hated it. If this was what it took to save Akira's life… he truly had no choice in the matter. There was only one path he could take, even if it would leave them both heartbroken.

Maybe it was for the best. Akira deserved better than a debauched demon whom disaster followed at every turn. Nano wished so badly that he could be something, _anything_ different than the cursed monster he was, but deep in his heart, he knew that he could never hope to make Akira happy, no matter how hard he tried. Whoever heard of a demon living happily ever after? Nano would rather kill himself than lose Akira, but if he had to choose between his own happiness and Akira’s… he would willingly sacrifice everything for him.

Nano’s voice was little more than a hushed whisper as he approached the sorcerer who had once been the closest thing he had to a friend.

“… Can I see it?”

“See what?”

“… His prison.”

“Ah. Yes.” Leaks uncrossed his arms, gesturing for Nano to join him at his desk. He took a small bronze key from his robes and unlocked a drawer. “Shiki had a number of enchanted items on his person and in his quarters… but the one you are looking for is _this_. A moonstone ring. See how it shimmers? That means a soul is trapped inside.”  
  
Nano's heart nearly stopped when he beheld the gemstone.

How could his beloved’s essence be contained in something so small? The ring was both terrible and beautiful - a large whitish blue stone set among silver vines and leaves. It looked like life itself, but so much more. It reminded him of Akira’s hair, his eyes… his wild spirit that refused to be tamed, the only mortal who dared to look back at him without fear, who saw beneath his menacing demonic aura and found a sliver of the cat he once had been - a piece of him he had not known still existed. A piece of him… that was still _alive_ , even after he had been dead for over a century.

“May I hold it…?”

“No.”

Nano felt ice course through his veins at the sorcerer’s blunt answer. It felt as though he had just been stabbed, and he was suddenly seized with something akin to panic. He felt hot and cold, his vision narrowed, and he would have fallen to his knees and begged if he thought it would do him any good.  
  
But his voice remained steady.

“… Please. We are two halves of the same coin. Allow me to keep it safe until the ceremony is complete.”

“Mm… Shui was right. He’s your lover, I’m sure of it now. I have to say, I’m a bit surprised. Here I figured Shiki had simply stolen away a delicious meal from you. What’s become of you, Nano, a powerful demon who once rejected the entire world falling in love with a Ribika? You never struck me as the sentimental type.”

Nano remained tight lipped, though every cell in his body cried out in despair. Akira was so close, and yet, he could not bring himself to reach out for him lest he shatter his very existence.

“It’s a weakness, you know. Love. Those feelings of desire, of protection… you’re much better off without them, as you were before. Like this, you are easy to manipulate. As long as I possess this ring, your lover is not safe, and unless I free him, he will be trapped forever. You will do anything I ask you to, won’t you?”

Nano ignored the biting remarks. He had never been one to shy away from his weaknesses. Of _course_  love was a weakness.  _Anything_ worth having was.

“… You wish for my influence with the Meigi. I understand this. You crave the power and the knowledge they possess. You know that making an alliance with any one of the mage-lords would be virtually useless because of how disjointed the parts are from the whole. If you allied with any one and they fell, that alliance would be useless as far as the others on the council are concerned. Even you, when you were chosen by Shui… your master Bojyo whom you were serving under as an apprentice soon forgot you in favor of his own experiments. He did not even come to your wedding. You had to go back to Meigi yourself to retrieve your spellbooks, and you lost access to the great libraries. You do not regret your marriage, but you regret what you lost. And you see me as your key to recovering it.”

“Yes, you are correct. Your coming here was perfect. You’re the only being in existence who stands above the Meigi council. You’re worshipped as a god. None would dare go against you. They will all do as you command. And the Meigi united are a force to be reckoned with. I would be a fool to pass up such an opportunity.”

“… If you crave power so much, then I will offer you a new contract, in exchange for the soul trapped within that gem. I offer you instead my allegiance and influence with the Meigi for the rest of your days. Your son does not need to wed a demon to attain what you desire. Let him instead marry the one he chooses, and you will have two alliances instead of one.”

At this, Leaks shook his head, a slight smile crossing his lips.

“… I’ll admit that it’s a tempting offer, but that isn’t the _only_ reason we chose you, Nano. There are other reasons Shui and I believe you are the best match for Konoe. Alliances aside, the other candidates don’t hold a candle to you, and you know it. You offer him something _completely_ different than they do. You can help him grow in ways they cannot. In ways that would be utterly terrifying and dangerous for the others to even attempt… and that’s assuming they knew what they were doing in the first place, which they most certainly do not. It's the only chance he has of reaching his full potential. And I know you see it too. You’ve been watching over him from the shadows all week. It’s been… enlightening, to say the least.”

It was true that Nano had been impressed with Prince Konoe’s power. And he had made his opinion regarding the suppression of that power clear. He did not want to see Konoe suffer the same fate as him. So Nano had tried, on their night together, to undo some of Konoe’s conditioning. It was a gentle push, still keeping within the rules of the ceremony, but one which he hoped might start a chain reaction. "Do not marry anyone who will not treat you as an equal. Choose someone instead who will make you feel as good as they expect you to make them feel. Who will sacrifice their body, their dignity, their comfort for you the same way you would for them." It was a simple enough message, though it went against everything the young prince had been taught.

… But the choice had been ripped from Konoe’s claws, and that cursed collar had been placed around his neck to choke back his incredible power, leaving him completely vulnerable, with little choice but to submit. Still, he tried to rebel and was humiliated before the entire kingdom as a result.

How much of it had been Nano's fault?

“… I kept myself guarded around your son, lest he fall victim to the horrors of my mind. The things that have been done to me… and the things I have done to others. I tried to hold back my demonic impulses - the voices which never leave me - dark, hungry, never sated. The voices that clamor to devour him alive. My true presence will terrify him.”

“Of course it will.” Leaks appeared utterly unconcerned. “You’re the Devil of Fear. I’d expect no less from you. Trust me, it’s a _good_ thing. It’ll keep him in line. You’ll be glad of it.”

Heat swelled in Nano’s veins and he was suddenly seized with the urge to tear the sorcerer to shreds here and now, an impulse only checked by the knowledge that Akira’s life and safety still rested in Leaks’ claws.

In all his life, had the fool never known true fear? Did he not understand what terror of that magnitude could do to a kitten? Unchecked, it could destroy him. Nano's violet eyes narrowed, although the rest of his body remained still, betraying nothing of the bloodlust raging within.

“Is the lure of power so great that you would subject your son to a lifetime of nightmares and revulsion as the plaything of an incubus? Simply for the influence I wield and the lessons I may teach? My power comes at a heavy price. And I do not believe it is one that he is willing to pay.”

A strange look came over Leaks' face. The sorcerer cocked his head ever so slightly before replying, utterly unphased.

“… You weren’t given a choice, either, were you, Nano? Yet, you’re one of the most powerful beings in the universe. And the fact that everything was done against your will - the fact that you lost everything you had, everything that made you yourself, that you died terrified and alone - that’s precisely WHY you are so powerful. Isn't that so?”

The words pouring from the sorcerer’s mouth were true, but so unexpectedly cruel that Nano could only stare. His pale lips parted, but no words came. Leaks continued, either oblivious or apathetic to the pain of the man standing before him. But perhaps… in Leaks' mind, Nano had never been his friend. He had only ever been a demon. Something vile to use and discard.

“Konoe is a child. He doesn’t know _what_ he wants. Yes, he thinks he’s in love with the Seturan right now. But he’s known Rai for what? A week? He can’t see the big picture. He can’t see what’s good for him. He can’t see everything he would be giving up by denying himself this opportunity due to this selfish whim of his.”

Nano's eyes lowered. Did Leaks even realize how similar Konoe and Nano were in this? He wasn’t just demanding that Konoe give up his love, he was demanding the same blood price of Nano. Konoe had only known Rai a week… and Nano had been alone for over a century. All he wanted now was the same thing Konoe wanted - to go home to his lover. To spend the rest of their lives together. And when it was over, to die by his side. Demon or not, Nano would willingly give up every last shred of his power to make this dream a reality.

What was the point of power when its cost was utter despair and misery? Hadn’t Leaks himself sacrificed his position as Bojyo’s apprentice to marry Shui?

But… now he was trying to rectify that sacrifice. Leaks wanted the best of both worlds. On some level, he couldn't blame him.

“…Was everything predestined according to your will? Was it never Konoe’s choice to make? Even when his heart longs for a different color?”

“Not when he chose incorrectly. Choices are not always good, wouldn't you agree? When you stand too close to something, it is impossible to see it for what it is. If I recall… you also made your own choice. Emma, wasn't it? The Meigi woman you fell in love with. And now here you are… How did that work out for you?”

Nano looked up sharply, swirling blue and violet eyes boring into the sorcerer’s flesh, tearing him apart layer by layer in a desperate attempt to reach the core.

“What you wish for your son is a mentor, not a husband. Perhaps we can make such an arrangement, in addition to my influence with Meigi.”

At this, Leaks laughed softly under his breath.

“Your methods of instruction aren’t exactly _chaste_ , though, are they? Come now. You’re a depraved sex demon. Don't pretend to be a prude. You know that if Konoe were to marry Rai, neither of them would agree to him carrying on a sexual bond with a demon for the sake of mentorship. Rai would keep him as far away from you as possible. But, on the other hand… you don’t really have any issues with Konoe taking a lover, do you? After all, you have one of your own. And you have not exactly been monogamous with him since you came here.”

Nano felt like his soul was being flayed to pieces. He looked away, his long eyelashes lowering.

“… It is not because I do not wish to be.”

“But it isn’t _practical_ , is it? It's not even _possible_. You’re an incubus, whether you like it or not. It simply can’t be done, so you have to cast your romantic ideals aside and learn to live with reality. Right now, your lover is trapped far away, and you are here. Your lifeforce would dwindle and you would starve to death if you tried to remain faithful, leaving him alone… and likely trapped forever, since without you here I’d have no reason to release him. So, you make the best of your situation, and you learn to live with it, even if it isn’t perfect. You and I both understand. Konoe simply hasn’t learned this lesson yet. Shui indulged him too much for his own good, I’m afraid.”

Another voice flashed through his mind: _If you don't like your destiny, change it. There’s no such thing as fate. Nothing is impossible. Anything worth having, you have to MAKE happen. Don't settle for less._

If Leaks thought Konoe was stubborn, he wondered vaguely what he would say if he ever met Akira.

“Your son's true colors are not so dark as you paint him. He is true to himself.”

“Then bring those colors to the surface. That’s your talent, isn’t it? It always has been. You can see things in people that no one else does. Even people like me. Things they won’t admit, even to themselves. Things they run from. Things that _terrify_ them. It’s clear you’re fond of Konoe. He reminds you a bit of yourself, doesn’t he? But you’re far more submissive. Shui and I do not believe you would hurt him unless he earned it.”

 _… Unless he earned it._ The qualifier did not escape him.

“For one so comfortable with darkness, you forget I am a demon. A demon with the blood of countless souls staining his hands… many of whom I have no doubt were innocent. And now… they lay rotting in the earth. Many of the skeletons you inherited with this castle are there because of me - tossed haphazardly into the darkness without an ounce of compassion. Forgotten in an instant. It made no difference to me then. Are you so certain it would matter to me now?”

At this, Leaks actually smiled.

“Never once have I forgotten what you are, Nano. I always liked you, despite your misanthropy and ruthless apathy. Perhaps even _because_ of those things. I may have the upper hand now, but I have no doubt whatsoever that you will be searching high and low for any possible means to change that. You would be a fool to do otherwise.”

Nano only stared in silence.

“Do we have an agreement? At the conclusion of the marriage ceremony, after the consummation is complete and everything is official, I will release the soul trapped in that ring. Until then I will keep it safely locked in this box and I shall keep the key with me at all times. Does that suit you?”

“… No tricks this time. No more technicalities. If you poison the water between us, I will force you to drink from it.”

“I know. If any harm befalls him, you’ll destroy all of Sisa and take our souls as penance, won’t you? I’m not stupid. I will honor our agreement. Do I have your word?”

What choice did he have?

“… Yes.”

“Good. Then take off your clothes.”

… What?

Nano looked up, his eyes widening ever so slightly, uncertain that he had heard the wizard correctly. Leaks crossed his arms.

“Don’t make me repeat myself. I’m not in the mood for disobedience. You killed Shiki two days ago, and I seriously doubt Prince Konoe is going to be in the mood to entertain his new fiancé tonight, incubus or not. Hurry up.”

It was true enough. Without another word, Nano untied the sash to his robe, letting it fall to the floor in a puddle at his feet. He was wearing form-fitting black combat leather underneath - the same outfit he had been wearing when he first met Akira. His beloved had always liked him in those clothes, although he never said so directly. Nano knew it from the way he would stare, the way his fingers slowly traced the details on the leather over the contours of his body, the shy but determined way he fumbled with the laces, his hands lingering on the curve of his ass as he looked up with those seductive blue eyes…  
  
… But it only took Nano a moment to strip it all away until he was standing naked before the sorcerer.

In some ways, the scene should have felt nostalgic. The silence that lingered on the warm breeze between them, the moonlight streaming through the windows, the smell of old books and freshly brewed herbal potions, those amber eyes tracing his body hungrily. Knowing what he was, recognizing the danger of being in his presence, yet wanting him regardless.

After spending the entire day thinking about Akira, imagining the things the two of them would do together when they were reunited, Nano was ravenous. As an incubus, he had become a being whose very existence thrived on sex, and he had long since lost any notions of modesty. He had done this countless times before without batting an eyelash - with this very same cat, no less - so _why_ …

… Why did it suddenly feel so degrading?

Leaks still had his arms crossed and was looking at him with an expression that could have been either annoyance or expectation, and Nano felt like his heart was breaking.

_I’m sorry, Akira…_

* * *

The sounds of disheveled breathing filled the silence within the chambers. Nano’s body was so relaxed he appeared almost lifeless, his empty gaze fixed on the ceiling. Without protest, he spread his legs as he was violated over and over, exposing the most intimate parts of his body as he was drilled into again and again. Saliva trailed ever so slightly from his open lips, deep purple bruises forming on his neck as his eyes drifted vacantly over to the cat above him. Wanting him. Welcoming him. Nano arched his back gracefully, lifting his hips in intoxicated submission as the crack of the flogger came down on his pale flesh over and over until his skin was red and he was delirious and panting.

But it wasn’t enough.

There was something truly depraved about being fucked senseless by your betrothed’s father at your own betrothal party. The irony only grew each time that familiar snap cracked through the still air. A soft laugh escaped Nano’s lips, tinged with bitterness and despair. That was one way to use the flogger Leaks had made such a show of handing over to him during the preceding ceremonies, he supposed.

Leaks tangled one hand through Nano’s golden brown curls and tilted his head back to expose the welling marks on his neck. Just that small motion made him feel infinitely more vulnerable, sending a surge of electricity winding down his spine that left his body trembling. A hot tongue traced his pounding arteries, making him squirm and sigh. He liked it, he didn’t… it didn’t matter.

Without waiting for Nano to respond, Leaks grabbed the base of his tail and began to stroke the soft fur roughly. It hurt, but pain and pleasure had become one the moment he surrendered to it, accepting it, and Nano found himself purring in spite of himself.

“You are an attractive cat, Nano… but I miss your true form. There’s no need for this illusion. Show yourself to me as you really are.”

Something deep inside him snapped, and Nano felt as though a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. His soft brown ears disappeared in a heartbeat, replaced with small antler-like horns. The fur on his tail similarly vanished, though Leaks continued to stroke the silky black skin just the same.

His heart was in anguish, desperate to return home to Akira, but his body didn’t care, so long as his needs were sated. He hated himself for it.

Leaks had chained him to the bed with magic in the form of golden cuffs after informing him that he couldn’t allow Nano to leave any marks. His pace was brutal, almost violent. Yet, Nano found himself wanting  _more_. The pain was atonement, and through it, Nano could repent. With each humiliating act, through each forced orgasm, Nano tasted death. His consciousness was fading, and as darkness pricked the corners of his vision, he felt his soul drifting closer to heaven.

Yet it still wasn’t enough to drown out the burning sorrow consuming his heart.

When Nano felt Leaks’ fangs on his neck, a soft pant escaped his lips. The sorcerer began biting and teasing at the tender flesh, stopping just short of drawing blood, and it felt so good he almost didn’t notice when Leaks’ hand came down hard on the tender flesh of his ass until he repeated the motion with his claws drawn, scraping against the reddened flesh.

He wanted it like this: violent, painful, and utterly out of his control. Like this, every act was a ceremony of death and rebirth. An endless dance macabre.

Nano’s lips parted when he felt Leaks’ hands tighten around his throat, cutting off his air. He looked up, his eyes impenetrable wells of emotion as he searched the amber eyes of his partner. Cold. Dispassionate. Taking pleasure from his suffering. Holding him down and fucking him into oblivion as his cursed life drained away.

It was beautiful. Transcendent. Nano’s chained hands reached out, lovingly caressing Leaks’ fingers as they crushed his throat. His lips trembled and limbs tingled as they were deprived of oxygen, convulsing subtly as shadows rolled from the walls, whispering softly and threatening to drag him under.

Before he could pass out entirely, their positions were flipped and Nano found himself thrown face down against the bed with surprising strength. The cuffs around his wrists tightened and relocked and he found himself hissing and biting into the pillow beneath him as the cracks resumed on his already inflamed skin, flooding him with masochistic euphoria.

“You’re even more compliant than I remember. Or perhaps I’ve just gotten too used to Konoe’s rebellious nature. You look good with your ass red and semen running down your thighs.” Leaks whispered, biting his ear, “Lift your hips. I’m not finished.”

Nano obeyed wordlessly, arching his back into the strokes as his consciousness faded into delirium. Yet as he retreated deeper into his subconsciousness, he found himself powerless to stop the torrent of thoughts and emotions that continued unbidden to wreak havoc on his soul.

What was Akira doing now? Did he remember that tonight was the night Nano had promised to come back for him?

A promise that he would not keep… 

When he did not return, would his beloved think he had been abandoned? Forgotten? Used? Discarded? That he would be trapped forever? Would he still have faith that Nano would return at all?

How many days would pass before that faith dwindled?

How long until he lost hope and thought death his only escape from eternal torment?

Nano couldn’t bare the thought of coming back to find Akira’s corpse, and he found himself trying desperately to push the thought from his mind lest he find himself consumed by fear and sorrow for things which he had no control over, and which had not yet come to pass. Now was not the time to mourn.

“When you were with Konoe last night… I imagine that you offered him your body like this instead of fucking him in the traditional fashion? Is that so?”

The words drifted to his ears as though they were coming from underwater, and it took Nano a moment to comprehend that he was being addressed, much less what Leaks was asking… even with the sorcerer’s hands rubbing against his sore buttocks, spreading them apart and pushing his cock mercilessly against his dripping entrance. He jumped when Leaks smacked him and he felt his flesh jiggle.

“Answer.”

Nano blinked, still panting, and it was all he could do to whisper a quiet “ _…_ Yes.” He could barely hear his own voice over the blood pounding in his ears.

“That’s fine, but during your consummation, you must be the one to penetrate him.”

 _…_ What difference did it make? It would be less painful and humiliating for Konoe if he were allowed the dignity of topping, and the exquisite agony of being publicly exposed and stretched apart would allow Nano to retreat into himself and repent, alleviating some of his guilt for raping the little kitten on his father’s orders.

But Leaks was insistent.

“I know you were trying to go easy on him last night, but the point of this ritual isn’t to make it easy on him. The point is to demonstrate his submission. The pain and humiliation of offering you the most intimate parts of his body are powerful symbols of Konoe’s absolute submission to you. It is expected in such a ceremony. To do otherwise would cause unnecessary confusion. Understood?”

One’s sexual position did not determine dominance. Only small-minded fools believed such rubbish. Alas, the world was full of arrogant fools.

They made for easy prey.

After a moment Nano nodded his consent, too breathless to reply with words. He didn’t trust his own voice not to give him away, not with bitterness and resentment still eating away at his chest.

He had been trying to teach Konoe last night - to undo some of his forced submissive conditioning. A hell of a lot of good _that_ lesson had done either of them. In retrospect, his mercy had been cruelty… raising the little kitten’s hopes that he would soon be in a relationship where he would be treated as an equal, cherished, and pleasured as he deserved. The kind of relationship it had taken Nano himself over a century to find.

But he was a demon, after all. Perhaps it wasn’t possible for him to do anything good.

In the end, they were both in the same precarious position, locked into the same twisted destiny, their bodies and souls nothing more than pawns in the never ending pursuit of power to be trampled over and used in another’s arrogant quest for glory.

“Tomorrow, we will hold a purification ritual to cleanse Konoe before your marriage. Your attendance will be expected. I will send a servant to fetch you from your quarters when we are ready.”

… To _cleanse_ him? Whatever for? Simply to wed him to a demon? And an incubus at that. An incubus who was currently chained to his fiancé’s father’s bed writhing in unwanted ecstasy… who had held countless men deep inside him, so many he couldn’t even begin to guess the number. A demon who had killed nearly as many people as he had fucked. A demon who would rather go home to a one-room cottage to live out his life with a peasant boy than spend another night in this damn castle.

“… That is unnecessary. All notions of purity… are lost on one as desecrated as myself.”

Nano stifled a gasp, muscles tensing in protest and anticipation when he felt the tip of Leaks’ cock pressed firmly against his opening. He felt the sorcerer pressing against that tight ring with more force until the head of his cock again broke through the tight ring of muscle with a pop. Nano writhed against his magical restraints. His insides were raw, already dripping with semen, yet he couldn’t seem to get enough.  
  
When he turned his head, his eyes caught sight of a slight glow from the desk. The moonstone ring was shimmering with Akira's soul trapped inside, and he found himself transfixed, unable to look away from it.

If Akira saw him like this… he would be disgusted. When Nano thought that, he wanted to cry. But no tears would come. It had been so many years since he had shed them that he couldn’t remember how.

“That is precisely _why_ we are doing it, Nano.”

At first, Nano was unsure he was hearing correctly over the creaking of the ornate bedframe hitting the wall and their frenzied panting.

“You’re a demon. An incubus. You can fool yourself with any illusion you like, but when it comes down to it, you’re a depraved sex fiend whose lust is never truly sated. A predator.”

He couldn’t argue. The truth was more painful than any lie.

How he wished it was not so. But it was a fact he could not escape, and Nano hated it.  
  
… Or did he?

Images of Shiki and Bardo flashed through his mind: The way the feared Meigi warlord shrunk away from him in his cell, unable to hide his trembling. The way he tried desperately to fight him and the rage and despair in his eyes when he lost over and over. The look of sheer agony and horror when the Ransen Touga realized what Nano had done to him. The way he screamed. And in response, Nano had only smiled sweetly, licking the blood from his lips.

And through it all, Nano felt… nothing. Nothing at all. The way he toyed with his victims was demonic - pure sadism, there was no other word for it. He _hated_ them. Watching their self-destruction was something akin to ecstasy.

“A damned creature such as yourself can’t look upon pure, immaculate, virginal souls without feeling the urge to corrupt and defile them. Is that not so?”

A surge of heat pistoned through his veins, lighting a fire within, and Nano wanted desperately to deny it.

No… never once had he wished harm on Konoe. It wasn't the same - he had not enjoyed seeing him hurt or raped. He wasn’t sure if it was because Konoe reminded him of Akira, or if it was because Konoe reminded him of himself so many years ago. But something about the kitten’s innocence brought out a different impulse altogether: protection. He may have been a demon, but he hadn’t always been.

Nano tried to shake his head in disagreement, but the gesture was lost in his pleasured writhing against the restraints, the way his body was beginning to reach its limits under this sickening pleasure.

“Tomorrow, Konoe will be laid out on the altar before you, his body cleansed and prepared to be offered in sacrifice to you.”

Nano’s pulse went wild, and a current of electricity coursed through his veins, and for the life of him, he couldn’t tell if it was horror or excitement… or some twisted mixture of both.

This was _exactly_ what he didn’t want. What he was trying to _avoid_ by teaching Konoe to demand equality. The very idea triggered horrific memories. He should have been appalled.

 _… Should_ have.

“He will be afraid, but it doesn’t matter what he wants. He’s being handed over to the Devil of Fear, after all. Once the marriage ceremony is complete, his body no longer belongs to him. You will take him, and make him yours.”

Part of him wanted to object on principle… but another part was already imagining it in vivid detail, and Nano was ashamed to admit that his cock was throbbing.

He _had_ to do it, after all. It was horrible, and Konoe was sure to hate him for it… But it made no difference.

He was going to do it anyway.

And some part of him he didn’t want to admit existed… reveled in the idea.

“It doesn’t matter if Konoe trembles. It doesn’t matter if he cries or begs. It doesn’t matter if he claims to love someone else. His body is meant for _you_ to enjoy, and you alone. You will be the one to destroy his purity.”

Another wave of heat crested through him, and the fire that had been lit within was beginning to burn out of control. Nano found himself growling and panting desperately, like a wild animal in heat, his cock leaking streams of clear fluid onto the sheets despite the fact that it wasn’t being touched.

He supposed he was already damned to hell for all eternity, so what did it matter how many more sins he committed? And why did the thought of the little kitten looking up at him with tears in his eyes, knowing what he was and what he was about to do to him, offering him his body despite the pain and humiliation he must surely be feeling, fill him with such lust?

No one could save the little kitten from his cruel fate. All of this had been destined from the moment of his birth. His body was about to become the property of a demon, to be sacrificed against his will simply for the sake of power. Sacrificed… to him. Why the hell did that thought fill him with such twisted elation?

Nano didn’t want to believe that he was thinking this way, not _now_ , not _tonight…_ not when he wanted so desperately to go home to Akira. He didn’t _want_ to be a demon. So why was he acting like one? When he asked Akira why he wasn't afraid of him, Akira told him over and over that he was _more_ than that… and he wanted so badly to believe that it was true. What the hell was wrong with him?

“You can’t resist, can you? That is your nature, after all. You’re so turned on right now I could make you cum without even touching your cock.”

Nano threw back his head, thrashing against his restraints, panting, growling, his body nearly at the brink, but his soul was still conflicted as his fantasies became increasingly violent and graphic. A dangerous hunger was beginning to arise. The more he tried to fight his demonic impulses, the faster his pulse raced in his ears. He was salivating just imagining that little kitten chained to the altar, trembling, with his body shamefully exposed and ass raised in submissive offering. Why was he like this?

It was the last thing he _should_ be fantasizing about, yet if he couldn’t dispel that mental image, he would prove the sorcerer right in a matter of seconds. With Leaks savagely violating his body and filling his head with these forbidden lustful thoughts, he was beginning to wonder bitterly just which of them was the incubus.

It would be easier to go through with, in some ways, if he could do it with the characteristic indifference he was so well known for. If he wasn’t genuinely tempted by such an offering. But if Konoe’s parents were so insistent on carefully preparing their only son as a demonic sacrifice under the guise of a wedding purely to sate his twisted lust _…_  Nano could not help but be tempted to indulge in the fantasy. After all, wasn’t that the entire purpose behind what they were doing?

Wasn’t this _precisely_ why virgin sacrifices were offered to demons in the first place?

“In three days, you are going to strip off the prince’s pure white sacrificial garments, ignore any foolish protests that spew from his lips, and ravish his newly purified body like the demon you are… so thoroughly that he will always know that he belongs to you.”

 _…_ It was too much. Everything came crashing down at once: the lust, the delirium, the hunger, the unfettered ecstasy. Nano bit down hard on the pillow to muffle his scream as he came, hard, his ass clenching against the cock inside as his body went rigid and he was swallowed in a euphoric haze.

Leaks followed shortly after, pulling out once he had released inside of him. Nano’s entire body was trembling so violently he could hardly move, even after the golden restraints around his wrists dissipated into thin air.

“See, Nano… you truly are a demon.”

The sorcerer walked over to his desk, picking up the glowing moonstone ring and slipping it onto his finger. Nano’s heart broke when he saw it being taken away, and he looked up at Leaks pleadingly. But the sorcerer wasn’t looking at him.

“You can stay here until you recover. The servants will take care of changing the sheets once the party is over. I’ve already informed Shui that we’re sleeping in his room tonight.”

Nano didn't move, shifting his eyes to fix vacantly on the ceiling. He _was_ a demon, after all. Some part of him must have wanted this.

“… Welcome to the family.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nano is upset, justifiably so, after the betrothal ceremony. He feels like Leaks betrayed him, since he is here only for his lover Akira's soul, which is trapped in a gem and was in Shiki's possession. As that is forbidden magic, only Leaks can safely release him, and this is why Nano is agreeing to any of this in the first place. He wanders around the garden while his betrothal party is still going strong.
> 
> Leaks is already back in his study and is waiting for Nano to confront him. Nano accuses Leaks of not following through with his end of the bargain (Nano was NOT expecting to be chosen as a husband and he wants to get back to Akira). Leaks disagrees and said that he'd agreed to take part in the selection and is the best choice for Konoe.
> 
> Nano mentions that he is actually a Sanga--and Leaks dismisses him. Nano tries to suggest being a mentor for Konoe and letting him marry Rai--Leaks would end up with two alliances instead of one. But Leaks says that Rai would probably not allow Nano's "mentorship," as Nano is an incubus and is form of teaching probably includes sex.
> 
> Leaks tells Nano that he will release Akira when, and only when, Nano has completed the wedding and consummated it. Nano is concerned that he will be betraying Akira by marrying Konoe, but it's either that or let Akira's soul die--and the choice is obvious. Leaks understands that if he does anything to harm Akira, he is risking vengeance on everyone in Sisa, starting with Shui. So Nano is fairly certain Leaks will stick to his side of the bargain.
> 
> Leaks discovers during this conversation who Akira is. He'd thought it was a soul Nano wanted to consume, but Shui is pretty sure it's Nano's lover--which becomes clear when Nano asks to see the ring.
> 
> Also, Leaks is well aware that Nano governs fear and suggests he use it to keep Konoe in line. Nano knows what fear can do to a young cat from personal experience and is utterly horrified to hear his own parent suggesting it.
> 
> After Nano agrees to the deal, Leaks tells him to strip and fucks him--hard and ruthlessly. He does this because he's pretty sure Konoe won't see to Nano's needs--he's an incubus and survives on sex. And this isn't the first time Leaks has done this, either. He knows Nano on this level even from Meigi.
> 
> During their intercourse, Leaks tells Nano that he will be expected to top Konoe during the bedding ceremony (because of social conventions and also to make Konoe submit). Nano cares nothing about this, but agrees. Leaks also informs him of a purification ceremony that Konoe will be subjected to--for Nano's sake. It will, in a sense, make him awfully attractive--as Leaks says, "A damned creature such as yourself can’t look upon pure, immaculate, virginal souls without feeling the urge to corrupt and defile them. Is that not so?” 
> 
> Nano can't deny this, and he feels horrible about it. But he's an incubus. So. There you are.


	2. The Purification Ritual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ta-da! The purification ceremony we've all been waiting for. Apparently, Leaks has the power to restore even virginity to those for whom it's required.
> 
> This chapter is written from Konoe's POV--consider that he doesn't know anything going on behind the scene. It's still quite... disturbing. If you don't care for rituals or public humiliation, skip this chapter. Suffice it to say, after the fact, Konoe is "as pure as a new kitten." 
> 
> Trigger warning: disturbing and non-con, pain and humiliation.

I have been told by my parents that I will have to go through a purification ceremony before I marry the Meigi. This ritual, according to my dad, will “cleanse” me from any prior sexual experience and prepare my body to accept the Meigi Touga's hand in marriage as a fresh and new creature. I can't get it out of my head that my sexual experiences were  _my parents'_ idea. And now I have to do this?!

Really. A purification ritual so I can wed a _demon_? An incubus, no less? I'm so fucking pissed about the very idea, especially after learning that Sanga in other countries don't even have to pretend to be "pure." And also, I'm starting to become more aware that I hold my own power and that while in a relationship with a Touga, I'm being forced into the submissive role, and I do not like it at all.

Not knowing exactly what’s involved, I am aware that something will be done to my body and that magic will be involved since Papa Leaks is at the center its performance. Also, my staff is tight-lipped about this ceremony, assuring me only that it will be brief and saying I will do just fine and make Sisa proud. But I can tell it's going to be horrible, simply by looking at their expressions. I'm dreading it.

Just before dawn, the day after the betrothal, my parents collect me at the door of my chambers. I’ve been dressed in a plain, solid ivory silk kimono—so I assume this can’t be a very public ceremony. They'd _never_ let me appear in public wearing something as plain as this. But I’m surprised when Dad rifles through my jewels and selects one of my most ornate crowns—a bulky gold one studded with diamonds and rubies—and places it on my head. It doesn't fit with the outfit at all. Plus, this crown is heavy and not one of my favorites. When I open my mouth to protest, Dad lays his hand on my shoulder and suggests today is a day for me to submit. In this case, I figure I'd better comply. My ass is still really smarting from yesterday. And my gods, the embarrassment and humiliation of being whipped publicly is something I still can't remember without blushing.

With one parent on each arm, I am led to a room in the palace which I didn't know existed. This room is the size of the ballroom, is lit entirely with candles (and man, do I hate fire!) and has a large bathing area—small pebbles edge the pool which is sunk into the floor—in the center. A throne and an altar stand on a raised platform next to the pool, toward which I am guided. The room is pretty dim, since the pale morning moonlight hasn't reached the skylights yet, but the soft flames from the candelabras on the stage offer plenty of flickering light, and the few small candles floating in the water add to its magical, ritualistic feel.

I can hardly appreciate the decor—an assortment of gorgeous white flowers cover the space in a variety of textures and sizes, white silk is draped artfully over the stage and its platform—not only because of the open flames that frighten me, but also because of the large audience gathered here, all waiting patiently and silently in pews draped with gauzy silk chiffon. It occurs to me that this ritual is going to be witnessed by about 100 of my subjects. As I feel their eyes looking in my direction and standing up to get a better view of me as I am walked down the aisle, I start to get quite nervous and my knees shake, since I know _nothing_ about what is to happen, except that my father has threatened to beat me if I fail to obey.

It occurs to me that he is no longer officially in charge of my discipline: not after presenting Nano with that flogger. It crosses my mind to bolt for the door, but my arms are being held securely, and my nerves make my legs weak. Also, Dad seems to anticipate my response since he pinches my upper arm to control me.

There is a shaman dressed in formal garb in the center of the platform, standing by the altar. In front of the throne is a small burgundy cushion.

“Kneel, my son,” my dad murmurs, and I comply, keeping my face lowered and focused on the fancy throne in front of me. I don't want to look up since the guests watching me are making me very nervous.

The bystanders stand up suddenly when the doors swing open. Of course, the Meigi—my "betrothed," Nano—enters the room. He looks sort of surprised by all the cats present—but he makes his way to the center of the room without changing his expression. Papa ushers him into the throne before me, and Dad whispers in my ear.

“Offer him your crown, Konoe.”

 _What_? My ears twitch at the command. I’m quite shocked to do this, as the symbolism of this act is quite significant. Basically, this is me offering up my governing authority to my husband-to-be. I glance up at my dad, who jerks his chin slightly to urge my obedience. I comply, my gaze low, offering my crown to Nano as though in a sacrifice. He takes it in both hands with a solemn nod, but he looks as confused as I feel.

“Who offers this child for purification?” The shaman asks in a loud voice, startling me and making me bristle my fur. It booms loud through the room, as though the space was crafted to project his voice from where we stand.

“We do,” my parents answer in unison.

The shaman gestures to the altar, my parents pull me from my knees—which are still weak and nervous—and help me up onto the altar on my back. If I raise my face, I meet Nano’s gaze, but he primarily has a view from my feet. I feel quite exposed, as I am not wearing undergarments beneath this kimono. I'm worried he may be able to see up the robe. I'm definitely being displayed for his benefit, the sacrificial lamb being prepared for slaughter. The shaman brings some jewelry over to me, resting on a deep red pillow. It looks like two pairs of large, thick bracelets, engraved in gold. They look ancient.

The shaman prays over the jewelry, blessing them, and he attaches the smaller cuffs to my wrists and the larger cuffs to my ankles. I start to get even more nervous now, and my stomach is doing little flips. Then, my ankles are spread on either side of the altar, not quite down to the edge, and are locked in place with chains. The sound is so final it makes my ears twitch.

My parents are still standing on either side of me when I see the shaman nod. My arms are slipped out of the sleeves of my kimono, exposing my bare chest to the entire room. Then I am pressed back onto the altar. My arms are raised straight over my head and my wrists are locked in place as well, the loud click echoing in my ears. A violent shudder goes through my body when I realize how vulnerable I am. For now, I shoot my dad a desperate look, hoping he will get me out of this.

“My child, this part is slightly painful, but just bear with it. It’s your lot in life,” Dad whispers as he pats my shoulder.

“Painful?” I whimper, and I weakly struggle against my restraints. It’s useless since the chains have been pulled tight, making me feel like some sort of sacrifice to the gods for the sake of my country.

“It’s your duty, child,” Papa says softly. “Just submit quietly as you can. Try to keep your voice down.”

So it's going to be _more_ than "slightly painful" if Papa is telling me to keep my voice down. They both nod at the shaman and take their seats, off the dais and in the front pew.

After my parents have taken a seat, the shaman starts the blessing, while waving incense over me in a thurible. The smoke from the metal container is swung on a chain over my body, and it smells like mint. Part of my brain wonders if this might be catnip. It probably is, and it's used to make me more submissive and compliant. I start to relax just a little, but my thoughts won't be interrupted.

I hate feeling this exposed—it feels unseemly and immodest and inappropriate. After the blessing of incense, the shaman brings a small cauldron over close to me, which has been warming over an open flame, which he is stirring with a flat stick. It looks gold and has the same texture as honey, scented of eucalyptus and lavender.

He continuously chants words over me, but I am too nervous to hear what he is saying because I am too distracted by what his hands are doing. He takes the small, flat stick and dips it into the cauldron, scooping out some of that viscous stuff. I haven’t been paying attention to anything he has said, but I think I heard something about how my body needs to be cleansed from all impurities before I am baptized in the pool of virtue.

My ears flatten in fear as he approaches me, but the feeling of the warm liquid against my skin is a surprise. It wraps me up in a comforting warmth when he spreads it out on my armpit. Feeling a huge sense of relief—I expected it would burn me—he takes a slim strip of cloth and presses it against my underarm, right on top of the liquid.

Chanting another quiet prayer—now muttering quietly and concentrating carefully—I watch as he slowly lifts the corner of the cloth, pulls my skin taut with his other hand, and then quickly rips the entire cloth away from my body. I hear a strange tearing sound—and at first, I think the cloth has torn—but then, a burning sensation that is beyond anything I expected sinks into my body, as though he has torn off my skin itself!

I can’t suppress a small yelp when the pain registers: _never_ have I been hurt under my arm before, and the skin is so tender and vulnerable. The shaman ceremoniously discards the cloth in an empty basin next to the altar. When I look at my now reddened skin, I see about half of the fine hair that I had under my arm has been removed.

It isn’t until I feel the soothing warmth spreading onto my skin the second time—the same armpit—my right—that I realize exactly what is happening. That warm liquid is _wax_ and the shaman is using it to rip out every hair under my arm by the root. I flinch when I see a second white cloth being pressed to my armpit and protest softly, and he chants over the anxious plea leaking from my mouth. Another ripping sound pulls out the rest of the hair under my right arm in the second go. My skin burns like it has been touched by fire, and I am _really_ afraid when I realize he’s going to do my other arm as well.

I can’t move or even breathe—even if I struggle, the way I am restrained prevents me from escape. And soon, that warm wax is spread under my left arm. I try begging softly— _please_ —when I feel another cloth being pressed against my skin. But it too is ripped mercilessly from my body, leaving my left armpit burning and tears reflexively rolling down my face.

My body is heaving shallow, fearful breaths, and I have nearly forgotten I currently have an audience when my left underarm is coated with a second layer of wax. After ripping off that cloth, I am filled with relief, since I only have two arms. The painful part must be finished now, right?

To my utter horror, the shaman says something about removing _every_ _trace_ of uncleanliness from my body and making me into a new innocent creature, like a babe. My obi is untied and my robe opened— _publicly_! My gods, he is exposing my naked body to every person in this room. I am flooded with shame and my ears fill with blood. I try my best to bring my bristled tail in front of my private parts, but _still_! I can't _believe_ this! I have been trained all my life to be modest, and this is too much! The shame is so great that I forget to flinch when I feel the hot wax slathered in a thick strip up my left shin.

My legs, too? My gods—this is barbaric!

Although, the pain from my lower legs isn’t as bad as my underarms. However, the higher up the wax is spread, the worse my pain becomes. When he spreads the warm liquid on the inside of my left thigh, I cringe and moan when I feel him pressing the cloth to my skin. He pulls my skin taut and then rips it off, like a bandage—and a burst of bright pain floods my thigh, making me yelp loudly.

I am relieved when my left leg is finished. He has loosened my ankle restraints a little, so he can reach the underside of my legs without making me turn over. When I realize he still has to do my right leg, I burst into tears.

“Please—don’t,” I whisper softly, but _rip_! The cloth is pulled off mercilessly once again. Each time the warmth of the wax feels comforting and gentle, but I soon begin to dread the comforting feeling since I know the intense pain that comes afterward.

By the time he’s finished my right leg, the pain has greatly outweighed my shame and embarrassment. I breathe a sigh of relief, a deep, shaky breath, hoping that the torture is over. But while my eyes are closed, more wax is spread on the soft fur just below my navel. I love this fur—it’s comforting to groom it with my claws before bed—and I have had Rai lick me there so many times this past week. And when the first slightly shorter cloth is ripped from my body, it feels like the memory of Rai’s tender touch is pulled off right along with the fur.

I actually scream now—and I’m screaming consistently with every fresh pull. I’m trying to comply—but it hurts so much I can’t contain my voice. I start to worry that _all_ my fur will be ripped off my body—even the fine white downy fur that covers my balls and—my gods—what about my asshole?!

The shaman waves his hands over me once he has finished with this area, and then offers another prayer. At this point, I too am lifting my prayers to the gods to save me from this ritual. But I know that as soon as I feel wax on my skin, it has to come off and it's going to hurt. And the only way the shaman is going to take it off is by ripping it. He’s already finished all the fur above my dick—and why? For what possible reason?

If I listen carefully, he keeps chanting about the evil experiences lurking within my body and that I am being given a clean slate. As I feared, the warm wax wraps up my balls. I start sobbing even before he pulls off the cloth because I know this is going to hurt even more than what I’ve felt so far—and man, am I right! The tender skin there is not used to being touched, much less having the hair covering it plucked so violently.

By the time he’s finished my balls, I am weeping openly, pleading and whimpering, and still screaming after every yank. I can't pull my legs together because of the restraints, and I feel bruises forming underneath the beautiful decorative cuffs on my ankles and wrists from my struggle.

Did my father have to go through this ritual? If so, how could he put his son through it if he really loved me? What good does this do? This all feels so arbitrary and horrible. Plus--isn't Nano a _demon_? A sex demon? Why do I have to be pure for _him_?!

I am weak by the time my balls are bare—and they feel like they did when I was a kitten too young to have fur there, only slightly larger and very, very sore. I don’t even protest when my wrists click together over my head and my ankles are released. The shaman turns me onto my stomach, and I am draped rather precariously and naked over the altar—leaving my only item of clothing, my robe, beneath me. At first, I feel relieved, since now my genitals aren't so freely exposed, and my gods, Nano has been watching this _entire_ time with the most perfect view. However, when my legs are spread and the chains tightened, I shiver with fear when I feel a warm touch of wax just behind my balls. I haven't even registered exactly how exposed I am.

Screeching out loud when that cloth is ripped off, I think that _has_ to be the worst of it. But I am mortified and near complete panic when I feel my cheeks being spread. It hasn’t even occurred to me in the past twenty minutes of this torture that over one hundred of my subjects have been watching this entire proceeding. The pain has simply overcome any sense of shame I have.

“Please, _no_!” I cry against the altar helplessly—and through my eyes blurred with tears, I see my parents watching carefully—making sure that I am being “purified” properly. I don't see an _ounce_ of sympathy in their eyes.

Horrified and sickened to near vomiting, I feel that slim stick dripping hot wax between my cheeks and spread against the inside of my right cheek. A tiny cloth is pressed in there firmly. I would be utterly humiliated to be touched this way publicly were I not so concerned about the pain. When that cloth is ripped away, I feel like a piece of my innermost private soul has been torn from me.

I am left sobbing helplessly, no longer protesting, no longer trying to escape, when the atrocity is applied just inside my left cheek. My skin is burning once the cloth is removed. To make it worse, I feel something cold and liquid applied to my newly waxed skin—starting at that last place around and inside my entrance. It stings so much upon contact that I jerk my body up off the altar—and it continues to burn for a few minutes. It's intrusive, of course, but the sting is much more powerful than the embarrassment.

Attached to the altar on my belly, my legs and armpits are covered easily. My cuffs are undone again, and I struggle my hardest to escape—I do not want anything applied there—but I am easily held down and restrained again on my back, and it’s a useless, pointless struggle. The oil is spread on all my freshly-waxed skin on the front of my body and after screaming in protest and then in pain, I realize I am now very naked in front of all these people.

How “pure” can this purification ritual be if so many others are watching me and staring at my body so openly? I was trained to be modest, not to _ever_ be nude, not even around my staff or within my private chambers. Only within the past ten days have my eyes been opened to things I didn’t understand, often against my will. And now? I am being so violently "cleansed" of those activities forced upon me by my duty to the kingdom, and worse, before all these witnesses! All I know is that the shaman has said something about curing my impure body and making it perfect for my waiting and watching "betrothed."

“Who presents this child to the cleansing waters?”

“I do,” Dad announces, standing up from his chair. He walks back up onto the dais, and his fingers gently caress my ears which flick away from his touch—I only have fur on my tail and ears now—and he brushes away my tears. He speaks softly to me in a whisper, “You did well, my son. I wish we could avoid this ritual, but it is your purity that makes you so valuable for your new husband, you know.”

Makes me valuable to sell off at auction, I think, bitterly—but even my bitterness is drowned out by the pain on my skin. My legs are splotched an angry red, and I hardly dare look at my private parts, but they are too red and swollen to miss. I’m sure my ass must look as bad.

Dad gently disconnects my wrists and ankles from the chains attached to the altar, and he helps me sit up. I wince—because my skin is so tender. Almost as bad as a whipping, I think.

“Into the purification waters he will go, and he will emerge as a virgin, ready to accept the rule of his future husband.”

When Dad leads me over to the pool, the shaman on the other side, I notice something strange about the water. I thought at first it was something glittering at the bottom of the pool—perhaps some shining rocks—but then I notice the water is actually bubbling a little, as though it has a current, and it is sparkling with magic. The moment my toe touches the water, it burns my skin and I pull my foot away. The burn is cool, however, and it feels like it is doing something horrible to my skin.

With horror in my face and the shaman on my left, I look at Dad on my right. He can’t be serious! This is going to be _excruciating_! He can’t tell me that this is healthy or necessary!

“You must obey, Konoe. Nano and his country desire and deserve a pure Sanga. And this is a gift from your father that only he knows how to deliver with any kind of accuracy,” Dad whispers low in my ear.

With those words, I am lowered into the pool—pushed into it by my shoulders on either side and then slowly submerged. And it feels like acid—something is being burned away from me, and I don’t understand exactly what. My toes hurt much more than the soles of my feet, my knees hardly hurt at all, but my calves burn, my thighs—especially in between them—burn worst of all—until my genitals are immersed into the water.

I can’t suppress my scream of pain when my dick and ass are immersed—but it’s then that I realize that those areas—the parts of me that have been especially and tenderly loved—are the ones that hurt the most. The water even creeps in between my cheeks, and it’s excruciating.

I am submerged to my neck and then even my head is dunked under. My ears—my gods—they burn and sting and sizzle softly—and it brings tears to my eyes when I realize I am suffering this much because of Rai’s excessive grooming. It’s like the water is drawing out every loving touch I’ve ever had and leaving my heart empty. I can remember that Rai’s lips against my ear or his hands tracing my waistline felt wonderful, but I can no longer remember how his touch actually felt on my skin.

The shaman holds my head under the water longer than I expect, though I try to push back up against his hands, he's bigger and has the advantage from where he is standing. After holding my breath as long as possible, I get a mouthful of water in my lungs and fear for my life.

Thankfully, I am raised up above the water for a moment, choking on the water and gasping for breath, and then dunked under again. My lips, cheeks, nose, and even my eyelids hurt. My collarbones burn. My nipples burn. I am a mess—because of the pain and grief from what this ritual is taking from me. My precious memories with the silver cat—I can’t feel them on my skin anymore.

Soon, I come up from the water choking, and the shaman pulls me up to the side of the pool.

“Kneel on the bench at the side of the pool, sweetheart,” Dad orders me. I hurt too much to resist and am desperately hoping for that last blessing so I will just be done. But instead, the shaman bends me over the edge of the pool and touches my genitals in an intrusive way. It feels like he is forcing water inside me—in between my cheeks and even into my urethra—and I start sobbing again, bitterly.

I never _wanted_ this—I never wanted to be unfaithful to my future husband. If I had been permitted to chose Rai after our first night, he would have never asked me to cleanse myself from all impurities before marrying me. He wouldn’t have allowed it! I harbor terribly bitter thoughts toward the Meigi Touga, even though I know it isn't Nano who is concerned with purity; it's his nation and that auction and my parents. _Fuck_ my parents!

Sisa believes that a Sanga gets his power from his virginity and chastity, but I know now that isn’t the commonly held belief in every nation. I can’t deny what is currently being done to my body—the humiliation and disgrace—as though every cat in the room can now see and experience exactly how I was touched and where. It makes me feel ashamed of those loving experiences and I try to squeeze my legs together, but I am punished with a sharp smack from Dad when I do.

“Submit, child, and it will be over faster,” he hisses. “For once in your life, trust that we know what is best for you.”

After that last invasive touch, the water on my skin starts to feel less painful—and I am helped from the pool, my body shaking. The shaman guides me back to the altar. I am positioned facedown, completely naked and wet, and a fluffy white towel dries my exposed backside. Then, I hear more chanting and I start to panic. I try to get up, but my wrists and ankles are grabbed and restrained at the same time. Only later does it occur to me that it was my dad who restrained me this time.

The shaman is talking and chanting and singing about how I am nearly as pure as a newborn kitten, and this magic salve will bring me back to that original state completely. I'm suffering so much that I can't even think about what a load of bullshit this is. Papa stands up and waves his hands over the small glass jar—but I don’t know if his hand-waving actually does anything.

But that lotion is spread all over my body—from the nape of my neck to each of my toes. And it burns and tingles as well—while my body had been feeling buzzy and numb when I got out of the water, that buzzing speeds up into searing pain once the lotion contacts me skin. Of course, the newly waxed areas hurt even more, as do all the places I have ever felt pleasure.

Next, I'm turned to my back—still nude and exposed—and the lotion is applied to my throat, my face, my shoulders, chest, abdomen, and thoroughly over my private parts, and then all the way down to my legs and toes. It feels horrible to be touched so intimately by a shaman who believes he is cleansing “filth” from my body—filth that _I_ brought upon myself. Even his chant changes to a tone filled with disgust. It’s devastating that anyone could believe that how Rai touched me was dirty. I don't believe it, but I am being _made_ to feel shame for how I was touched this past week, as well as how much I enjoyed it.

However, as expected, my tears do me no good. And soon, the lotion is completely applied. My parents return to the dais and they drape me into a sheet of sheer, white silk, which is tied at one shoulder and loosely belted with a gold rope. My hair is brushed and plaited, my remaining fur is brushed to a shine, and I am _exhausted_. It isn't until after the ritual and I have left the room that I notice the fabric is sheer enough to expose every detail of my body underneath. At this point, I don't even care. I'd leave the room naked just be done with it!

This is how I am presented to the entire group of witnesses.

Looking out at the crowd of cats, mostly familiar faces from the court, I wonder exactly why so many people are here. Is it _fun_ to watch a painful and embarrassing ritual meant to shame my newly awakened experience of physical love? I'm mortified and filled with anger. I think I spy a flash of silver hair in the crowd. I look away immediately. Did Rai just witness this?! He _allowed_ this to happen to me?! Or was he forced to watch? Either way, I'd _never_ allow this to happen to someone I truly loved. I have to struggle to keep my face down and suppress a growl, doing my best to look humble and compliant.

“Behold, the virgin prince!” The shaman calls out. “Fresh and pure as a newborn kitten, the nation of Sisa offers him to the Meigi Touga, his betrothed, Nano.” He turns me to face all four corners of the room for a moment, repeating his nonsensical words. I end up standing before the Meigi on the throne. I happen to glance at Nano's face. I notice his pupils are dilated and his dark blue eyes are flickering with an iridescent purple sheen. Even stranger, I see a light blush dusting his pale cheeks. He looks bored—and slightly appalled—but mostly like he wants to leave.

I share his feelings, I'm sure.

“Kneel, my child,” the shaman says. “Demonstrate to your fiancé your submission and what you offer in this marriage.”

I obey, lowering my eyes to the ground. I feel a soft touch on my ears—it’s cool and strangely soothing. Then, I feel something familiar and weighty coming to rest on my head.

“I am not worthy of you,” Nano says softly. His voice is softer and huskier than I expect, and a little ripple of pleasure (my gods!) rushes down my spine and fluffs up my tail. I'm too ashamed of my reaction and the blood flooding my lower half to look up at him.

I try to hold back any remaining tears—especially now that I have my crown back. Both my parents step up to my side and offer my hand to Nano. Thank the gods I don't have to leave this room with my parents! He takes it, pulls me to my feet, rises from the chair, and walks me down the steps and down the aisle out of the room.

I feel like I am leaving an important part of myself behind in that room and in that water—something I can never get back—and my heart breaks.

Still, I obey. For utter fear, I obey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. The Purification ceremony is actually done for Nano's benefit--to make Konoe more attractive to the demon. This chapter is told in Konoe's POV.
> 
> He wakes up before dawn and is dressed in a white kimono, and his parents come to pick him up. They bring him to a sanctuary Konoe has never seen, and he is led to the front of the room. He waits on his knees for Nano to join them on the dais, and he gives his crown to Nano, who is seated on a throne.
> 
> In front of many witnesses--I think I said 100--Konoe is restrained on his back on the altar, and after some catnip incense and chanting, the shaman waxes him--all of his fur aside from his ears and his tail--in front of the entire congregation. It's embarrassing and painful, and of course, Konoe is naked.
> 
> His skin is covered in some sort of oil that burns and then baptized in a magic pool. The water sizzles his skin--especially the parts of him that have been "especially loved," and Konoe feels awful, like his experiences with Rai have been stripped from him.
> 
> After the baptism, Konoe is restrained on the altar a second time and his skin is covered in a lotion that has been enchanted by Leaks. It burns as well. Then he's wrapped in a sheer, white silk cloth, which is tied at the shoulder and presented to the crowd. Konoe thinks he sees Rai in the audience and is especially humiliated. Then, he is presented to his betrothed, and Nano gives him back his crown, saying, "I'm not worthy of you."
> 
> Finally, the ordeal ends when Nano leads Konoe out of the sanctuary.


	3. After the Purification

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the purification ritual, Nano leads Konoe to the library and then out to the gardens. Konoe is confused and upset and confronts Nano about the wedding. (They haven't spoken since their betrothal, after all.)
> 
> Triggers: some angst and non-con whipping

Instead of taking me back to my chamber, the Meigi leads me down another hallway. I’m exhausted and upset—and _mortified_ because of what has just been done to me and in such a public way. I would much rather hide in my chamber right now. So I protest, pulling on his arm—hoping to _Ribika_ that Papa doesn’t come sneaking up on me and punish me for resisting!

“Please—I’m just so tired. Can’t we just go back to my room?”

“… We have things to discuss.”

Discuss? Like what? Maybe he’s finally going to tell me why the _hell_ he accepted my proposal? It doesn’t take much for my ire to grow, and I growl low in my throat.

“Why are you even _here_? Don’t you have a lover at home? What do you _want_ with me? Can’t I offer you something—the money, maybe, that you’d get from my auction? I’ll steal the crown jewels. They have to be worth something close to what I would sell for! _Please_!”

“The gardens were built for contemplation and serenity… man's attempt to harness the majesty of nature. They have the power to quiet the mind and to soothe the soul,” Nano says, puzzling me, his face neutral but his eyes shimmering with that iridescent purple shade every time he looks at me. Is he even listening? There is something slightly hungry in his look that scares me. He pulls my arm and leads me to the library. Why are we headed to the library if he’s talking about the garden? It doesn't occur to me till later that Nano seems to know his way around my palace quite well. My mind is currently occupied with other thoughts.

Gods! To be so exposed—and so very _naked_ —in front of my subjects and the cat to whom I will be forced to submit for the rest of my life—my ears are still burning with shame. The shaman's chant rings in my head, as do my own cries and tears and sobs throughout that entire torture. The experience has been seared in my mind, and I feel I will never be seen as royalty ever again! I am simply a piece of meat, a commodity, to be traded to other countries on the whim of my parents! How is Nano _okay_ with this?! Why won’t he answer me? I’m pulled into the library, and my jaws are clenched. I am getting really angry and irritated.

"Did you enjoy that… little _purification_ ritual? I'm sure it was all for your benefit." I can't keep the bitterness from my voice.

"I would have enjoyed it far more if you derived pleasure from it," is his direct answer. It's the most direct answer I've received from him so far.

What the fuck does he mean? Deriving pleasure from pain? Even the _thought_ disgusts me, but mostly because it reminds me of the night I spent with the impostor. He beat me black and blue and still, I climaxed in the midst of his abuse. Is that really a _thing_? Is it an underlying piece to my personality, that I derive pleasure from pain? I disgust myself. What kind of person am I becoming? Is this what my parents hoped for me? A shudder courses down my spine when I remember the night with Shiki. I bring my fingers up to my neck, feeling the gold collar, and I realize that this is not all that different from that day. Only this collar is a gift from my father! How is this my life?!

The library smells of musty old books and delicate papers. The scent reminds me of when I first started training with a group of other kittens. We were often brought here to read about other Sanga and Touga pairs, their greatness, their feats, and were encouraged to become just like those magical creatures: achieving greatness through submission and devotion to their partner. Now I know that is all a load of shit! I will never be a great Sanga. I don't even _want_ to be!

“Books are the wisest counselors and the most steadfast friends. I used to come here when I was troubled,” he continues—his voice sounds soft and flat. He picks up a book from the shelf—an ancient tome with a gold embossed spine, one of many books in the library of my own castle that I have never laid eyes on. He pages through it slowly. “Did you know there is a switch to a secret passageway hidden inside this book? Or at least, there used to be. Ah. Yes—it’s still here.” His flat tone changes a little to something that sounds like nostalgia.

“Why are we here? Why are _you_ here? Why did you agree to this marriage?” I ask again, ignoring what he is trying to show me in some stupid book. It also doesn't occur to me that he said he _used_ to come here, either. When I think about it afterward, I find the statement awfully strange. Why would he even _be_ here? “I don’t want to be here. I don't want to be with _you._ ”

He looks up at me from the book, and I expect to be met with anger. But that isn't the emotion in his face. Instead, his gaze travels from the tips of my ears to the tip of my tail. It sends a frightful shiver rushing down my spine, bristling my fur. I don’t _like_ how he is looking at me—though I suppose it’s partly my own fault for having been so readily exposed to him during that damned ritual. He is an incubus, isn't he? What are my parents _thinking_? 

“… I understand. Your heart is lost, grasping in vain for the truth it cannot reach.” He puts the book back on the shelf and leads me to the windows. There is, as a matter of fact, a door that leads out to the gardens from the library. I had no idea. This is _my_ palace and I didn’t know you could get to the gardens this way. He opens the sliding door and leads me outside. There is a lovely garden here, including an ancient hedge maze that we use for celebrations. I wonder if it will play a part in my upcoming wedding celebration.

“There used to be a grove of sakura trees here, but they have since been cut down and this hedge maze has grown in its place. I can see that it is so, yet my heart does not wish to accept it.”

For just a second, his words sound strange. How would he even _know_ about any cherry trees? I mean, this maze has been here since I was a kid. For the first time, I consider that Nano is the Touga from Meigi, and yet I saw him, the night we spent together. I saw those memories, and I am sure he was _singing_. He used to be a Sanga, I think, back when he was still a cat. I don’t understand. Maybe he has been _here_ before? He must be mistaken. Maybe he paired with a Touga from Sisa, and back then, the ceremonies were held for both Sanga and Touga who were royal? It couldn't be my dad's ceremony, I'm sure. I know Dad met Papa Leaks then, and Papa is from Meigi. I mean, Nano is a devil. He doesn't age. I don't even know how old he is.

My lack of understanding only frustrates me more.

“I don’t _want_ this,” I say.

“……?” Nano stares at me in silence, cocking his head ever so slightly, his expression unreadable. His confusion astounds me. Why? I mean, he _has_ a lover! He knows how much I love Rai, doesn't he? Why is he doing this? And why does he look so conflicted?

“I don’t want to marry you! I don’t want to be sold at auction! I love someone else! Can’t you understand?! I thought you already had a lover! Why did you agree to this?”

Nano simply blinks, his eyes darkening as he looks away into the distance. When he speaks, his voice is the same slow monotone as ever, but somehow it seems sad.

“… It does not matter what either of us wants. Our fate has already been determined. This is the path we both must walk.”

“Fuck that! If this isn’t what you want, _refuse_ me! Change it! Choose a different path!”

I expect him to be angry now, but instead, the corners of his lips turn up in a soft smile, though his eyes are still pools of impenetrable sorrow.

“… You remind me of someone.”

What the hell does  _that_ have to do with anything?! And why is he so complacent?!

“You’re a _demon_! Why did I have to be purified for your sake?! It makes no sense!”

Nano looks back at me. A hint of purple trickles through the deep blue of his irises but quickly disappears.

“I wondered the same,” he replies. “… Though I know the answer.” There is something heated in the undertone of his voice, and I don't think I like it. I like it even less when he steps closer. He has a pleasant earthy smell, like fresh leaves and pine needles, and the fact that I notice it frightens me.  
  
"What is it, then?" I ask. His pupils are still dilated and his cheeks still carry that faint flush of color.  
  
"Some colors blend. Some colors blot out or are swallowed by others. But white is the most dangerous color of all," Nano replies, "For it can be dyed any other color. It is simply waiting to be stained."  
  
Waiting to be stained…? That told me nothing, but it makes me nervous. 

A cool hand comes to rest between my ears. Actually, it’s strangely soothing—almost as though he is communicating through his touch. For just a moment, my mind softens a little, my rage calms down, and I feel grief, sorrow, and regret pushing against the constraints of my heart. Are these _his_ emotions, or is this some trick? I’m not currently singing to him, so why do I feel this bond?

It irritates me, _overwhelms_ me. I shouldn't have to put up with this! And neither should he!

“I’m _not_ singing for you. I _won’t_ sing. I won’t have anything to do with you! Why don’t you _decline_ the proposal?” My anger is starting to dissolve, however—because of that touch—and I am suddenly overcome with despair and a sense of utter helplessness. “Please! Won’t you just go home to your lover and leave me to mine?” A loud sob escapes my mouth—I wouldn’t think I could cry any more tears at this point—but I feel devastated. “Please—I’ve had the worst week of my life. I think this marriage is a mistake.”

Nano doesn’t say anything, but he sighs softly.

“Please!” I beg. “Don’t you understand? What about your lover?”

“You don’t have to sing for _anyone_ ,” Nano suddenly says. “Your song holds power in itself. You are stronger than you have been led to believe. Those who strive to silence you fear you because of that strength.”

A Sanga singing without a Touga? What on earth does he mean? They fear… me? Oddly, a vision of the tiger cat from Ransen pops to mind—after the arena and in his room. When I woke up crushed under his weight—that horrible incident flashes in my head like an alarm. My rib aches—the one he broke—and a sickening chill floods my body. Not for the first time, I wonder… did _I_ do that? Did _I_  hurt him or worse, _kill_ him? And if I did, how does Nano know anything about that?

I look up at him—and he is standing very close to me. It’s nice that he isn’t so terribly tall, but still—something about his presence feels incredibly intimidating, even after the night we spent together. He was kind to me then. He was tender. My thoughts walk through the memories of that night for just a second. It was very pleasant. I remember I was shocked and nervous, and he made me feel so good. For the first time, I felt confident in my sexuality, like he had boosted my sensual awareness, just being in his presence. When I come back to the present, I look around, and we are _outside_. He has to be reasonable about this!

“I tried to teach you then,” Nano says. Although he reaches up gently to wipe away my tears, he's eyeing me like a hungry predator.

Gods! Is he reading my thoughts!? How is he doing this? Even so, none of this makes me feel as afraid as I expect, however. It's almost a bit of a turn-on since I can't seem to stop thinking about being in bed with him and being inside him… And _oh, my gods_! Are my parents actually right about me? Do I really understand _nothing_ of love? What about my feelings for Rai?! How can I even be considering such things when I love Rai?!

My fur fluffs out on my ears and tail, and my tail twitches uncomfortably. My sudden movement draws his eyes toward it, and I get a fresh uneasy feeling.

Surely, we are _outside_. He wouldn’t _dare_ touch me outside, would he? I can’t keep my tail still, and my fur simply fluffs out more and more, my anxiety showing. I don't know if I am more afraid of him or of my own feelings. I back away, or try to and run into the hedges instead. I feel like he might devour me.

"I-i, um, I think I am supposed to remain 'pure' until the wedding," I stammer nervously. I look away even as Nano approaches me. I raise my hands in front of my body, pushing against him softly. I am obviously declining his advances. I do not want him to touch me out here. I don't want to feel good if he does touch me. I don't like any of these feelings! It would be better if he did not touch me at all. If he really cared about me, he would have declined this marriage! His eyes shimmer iridescent purple.

“I fear your parents may have gone too far. Such a beautiful sacrifice is rife with temptation for a damned soul such as myself. We are drawn like magnets to our opposites. For a demon, the sight of such innocence and purity brings forth an overwhelming urge to corrupt and defile it. White will not be your color for much longer.”

Corrupt and defile… me? His words are confusing, yet they feel threatening. He's standing so close I can feel his breath on my lips. His pale skin is dusted with a light blush that makes him look far more innocent than it should. He's clearly aroused, and making no efforts to hide it, though he isn't touching me… not yet. 

“Destruction, desecration, dominance… That is our nature. It is difficult to resist something so pure and sacred when it is presented as an offering before us… waiting to be stained.”

Nano reaches out, slowly, tentatively, caressing my cheek with the back of his fingers, trailing them along my jaw. The touch is soothing like it was the first day we spent together. His words frighten me, but he moves so gently like he is handling something precious that he does not wish to break. He's approaching me as one would a wild animal and seems to be afraid that I might run away. That seems like a good idea. But I'm trapped against this hedge. I have nowhere to go.  
  
“… But that is my own battle to fight. I do not wish to frighten you, though I fear it is inevitable. Please trust that I am strong enough to prevail.”

His own battle? I really do not understand him. I can't imagine having to puzzle out his words for the rest of my life! Not when I could be with Rai!

His fingers slide down and for a moment I'm afraid of where they might end up. My clothing feels alarmingly thin and sheer. But he only takes my hand. He's looking deep into my eyes, only inches away from his own. It feels as though his hungry gaze has penetrated my soul. What does he see? It's clear enough what he wants. But for some reason, he hesitates.  
  
… Is he waiting for my  _permission_? I _won't_ give it! My fur bristled and ears flat, I refuse with a growl, setting my jaw firmly.

Then I hear the soft sound of a door sliding open. My ears twitch and Nano looks over his shoulder. Standing there, at the door of the library, is my father, Papa Leaks. He looks awfully upset.

"Konoe."

My ears flatten and my growl sticks in my throat at the disappointed tone of his voice, but I can't settle my fur.

"Nano is your _fiancé_. He is also an incubus. He requires sex to _survive_. And you  _just_ performed that ceremony, enticing him, teasing him, and now what? I'm sure I've witnessed you pulling away, rejecting him."

No. I was wrong. Papa is _not_ disappointed. He's _angry_. Damn it!

"Please," I beg. I drop down to my knees as my father approaches me. "I-i thought you wanted me to stay, um, pure for the wedding…"

"Pure? Child, there is nothing pure in your heart. Soften it, for the sake of your own happiness. Submit, for the sake of your own happiness. You cannot claim to love another when you treat your own fiancé this way!"

His words strike me to my core. But he doesn't know my heart. He can't! I'm not sure I really know it, either. I can't help myself. I love Rai! I look up from the grass and meet Papa's harsh gaze.

"This isn't what I want! I don't _want_ to marry Nano! I don't _want_ to sing for him!" I yell, recklessly, at my father.

"We aren't asking what you  _want_ , child. We are demanding your submission for the good of the kingdom and for your own sake."

"I will never sing for him again!" I shout, my rashness showing obviously. I really do know better than to yell at my father but I can't seem to help it. "I don't want him! He isn't the one I chose!"

"He is the best qualified for your training and for your protection," Papa remarks. "Both your dad and I agree on this. He is the ideal match for you. You can't let your personal selfish feelings get in the way of what is obviously your best choice. Are you trying to upset your future husband? Digging your feet in now is simply ridiculous! That's truly a foolish move, considering he is responsible for your future and any discipline you require."

My eyes are wide when I see him unbuckle his belt. My skin shivers nervously. I'm still really sore from the beating last night!

"What?! Are you going to try to beat me into submission? I thought you officially handed over my discipline to Nano yesterday! You have no right! You gave that right away along with my happiness!"

"Shut your mouth, kitten," Papa snarls at me. He grabs my arm and pulls me up to stand, dragging me over to a bench. "Gods! Your disobedience is beyond my comprehension! Child, we want what is _best_ for you! How much is it going to take to get you to realize that as an adult, you will often have to sacrifice temporary happiness for what is going to be the best bet in the long run?! Put your hands on the bench and bend over."

"No!" I shout, turning around to face my father again. "I won't let you do this! I'm my own cat and can make my own decisions! You have no right—"

"My  _right_  stems from the fact that _you_ are the prince, and _I_ am your father. I do not only have the right, but also the _responsibility_. I realize your new fiancé would like to show you kindness. His kindness is all for your benefit and yet, you trample over it with abandon! Your behavior is still far from submissive!"

He waves his hand, and smoky sashes appear at his fingertips. They whip out toward me and grab my collar and the cuffs on my wrists. I'm roughly turned toward the bench, my collar dragging me down to the seat of the bench and choking me. My wrists are lashed to the back of the bench, and my ass is exposed when the soft sheer silk is dragged up over my hips. Gods! This is going to _hurt_!

"Please!" I beg again. "I-i thought you g-gave my discipline over to Nano! I-i'm n-not displeasing him!" I don't actually know this for sure, but I figure I should give it a try. He has stepped in on my behalf before. Why wouldn't he do it again?! What the hell is Nano even _doing_ , anyway? Is he watching this? Does he enjoy this show? Is that why he wants me to learn to derive pleasure from pain? Does he enjoy watching me suffer?!

I scream when Papa's belt strikes my bare skin. A stinging burst of pain makes me stiffen my body and straighten my knees, but I can't move away. Tears fall immediately, and I struggle against the bonds. Through my cries, however, I hear a soft, deep voice.

"Leaks." It's Nano, addressing my father by his first name without any respectful titles. It's so strange to hear anyone but Dad call him by his name. "He did nothing to warrant this punishment."

Is that really Nano? Speaking to my father like that?

"Oh, but he _has_. You should know. You should know, better than _anyone_ , that he will not survive if he does not learn to submit!"

I scream again as the belt connects with my sit spot, over the welts from last night. It's almost as though I am experiencing a second humiliating and public punishment when he whips me over my welts.

"… I would prefer him unmarked for the ceremonies," the soft voice continues. He's insistent, but his voice is flat and unemotional.

Another crack of the belt makes me jump. The belt wraps itself around my thigh and it hurts so much. I cannot stop my begging and crying but my words are unintelligible through my tears.

"I will heal his skin before the ceremony. Of course, it will look much better if he is unmarked, but he still has to learn this lesson."

I wish the meaning of Papa's words would go over my head. Look better to _whom_? Who the hell is going to see my ass except for my fiancé who will be my new husband the day after tomorrow? Is there some other horrible ceremony planned? I'm waiting for the next lash to connect, but it doesn't come. Instead, I hear Nano speak again.

"I am the one at fault, Leaks. Not him. He is doing what you told him to do _—_ what you've always _expected_ him to do. He is submitting—to the binds of chastity you and your king have raised him to believe are so essential. He is refusing me because of your teachings."

"I don't care _why_ he is refusing. He is being _disobedient_ by refusing you! He is your _Sanga_. He needs to submit to you. Can't you understand that this is your _lifeforce_ we're talking about here? He needs to learn, and fear and pain are both excellent teachers."

The belt cracks and hits me again, and I can feel the welt it leaves in its wake. I feel so amazingly helpless and I am devastated that my own father is punishing me. What was I supposed to do?! If I had submitted to Nano, I would have been wasting my false-purity. He can't have expected me to submit to any cat sexually out in the middle of the garden! It's not modest!

"Do you expect him to submit to me the way Shui submits to you?" Nano asks. "I never asked for such a thing."

Another crack of the belt in the air wraps itself around my other thigh, connecting with the front of my leg. I jump and scream in pain. But what did Nano just say about Dad? Why is he speaking of them in such a casual way? How does he know them?

"My relationship with my husband is my own concern! You know what _needs_ to be done here! You know he won't _survive_ unless he learns to submit!"

Nano doesn't reply, and I hear the belt cracking in the air. I brace myself for the blow, but it doesn't come. What the hell happened?! Did he just put himself in the way of it?  
  
"Move," Papa says.

"Do not punish him for my sins. I will submit my body in his place."

There is a short pause before I hear my dad speak again. And his words confound me.

"No. You would _enjoy_ it. That would defeat its purpose."

He speaks with such confidence as though he _knows_ Nano and his habits _personally_. How in the hell would Papa even know something so specific? Plus, does Nano really enjoy pain? Like…  _this_ kind of pain? What sort of horrors would a person have to go through to enjoy something like this?! My heart feels grieved suddenly, and that's confusing. I don't _want_ Nano. I don't _care_ what his experience is! So why do I feel… sympathy? Grief? Sadness? And all of these things _not_ on my own behalf?! A shudder rushes through my body and I quickly push the uncomfortable feelings from my mind. 

"Regardless, he is mine now. If you feel the need to punish someone for this transgression, I am to blame. I will accept any punishment you see fit."

"Hmph," Papa murmurs thoughtfully after a brief pause. "I suppose we could kill two birds with one stone. But I won't be caught out here in public with you."

My arms are suddenly released from their restraints, but I find I cannot move right away. My neck is really sore and my throat hurts from this stupid collar. I feel Papa's hand on my shoulder, and it makes me bristle in fear.

"You are to keep away from _all_ cats except your fiancé," Papa growls low in my ear. "If I catch you with anyone else, there will be hell to pay that even your betrothed won't be able to stop. You _know_ what I'm talking about. Go back to your room and stay there." He fingers the collar around my neck lightly and sighs.

"Yes, sir," I manage miserably. I haven't spoken to Rai since the betrothal ceremony, and now, it looks like I won't be able to explain myself. I wanted to ask him to help me escape from here. I'm still terribly confused about what is going on and how Papa knows Nano. And my ass is killing me, even from those few lashes. But is Papa really going to whip Nano? Why? What right does he have?!

I don't have a chance to ask since Nano follows Papa quietly through the garden, probably to Papa's study. I have a horribly uneasy feeling in my belly, and I drop down to my knees, resting my head on the bench.

Where is Papa from originally? Isn't he from Meigi? What if… what if he knew Nano back then? What if he knew him as  _more_ than a casual acquaintance? Did Papa perhaps pair with him before, if Nano is really a Sanga? The sound in Papa's voice was easily as familiar as Nano's when he spoke. I've only _ever_ heard him speak to Dad like that. It frightens me. Does Dad know? That Papa knows Nano? What exactly is their relationship?

As I ponder these things, a familiar pleasant scent floods my nose, mixing with the fresh green scent of the outdoors. I glance up, and Rai is standing there. His expression is unreadable, but that does not diminish the fluttering in my heart that I feel when I see him.

"Konoe."

I try to say his name, and it comes out in a tiny, helpless meow. I have been craving his presence, and seeing him here, in front of me now, quells a lot of the doubts I was having just moments ago. I was feeling like the selfish, flighty, spoiled brat of a prince just moments ago when Papa was here. Now… I know this is love. I'm not being stubborn! I just love this silver cat.

"Who has done this to you?" He sits down on the bench, and I feel his fingers brushing against my fresh welts. He pulls down my silk robe to cover my body. I hadn't even realized I was still exposed. "Was this your father again?"

I'm so glad to see him! Just… so relieved! Bursting into fresh tears, words spill from my mouth in a torrent.  
  
"I refused Nano and Papa walked in on us! But it was right after the purification and I thought I was supposed to stay chaste for the wedding! Even if I had submitted to him, Papa would have punished me for not remaining 'pure'! I can't make the right decision! _Everything_ I do is wrong! And I don't want _any_ of this!"

Rai takes me into his arms. I have missed him.

"Hush. It's all right."  
  
"No! Nothing is all right! I'm not allowed to see you! If my parents see you, I will be punished again!"

"I've got great hearing," Rai says softly, licking my ear gently. "I'll hear anyone approach."

I relax a little in his arms, enjoying the touch and the feel of my silver cat. It feels weird, though, almost like he hasn't touched me like this before. It must all be in my head. There _is_ no magic to restore virginity! I know this as well as anyone! It was what I was taught as a young Sanga. That's why keeping myself pure was so important! Then my thoughts wander to my father and his relationship with Nano.

"I wanted to see you," I whisper softly. "I-i tried so hard during the betrothal, and my parents told me it wasn't my choice to make! I-i'm s-so sorry!" I burst out the words, sprinkled with tears, which I'm sure are ruining Rai's wonderful silk blouse.

"Hush. I know what happened. You are not to blame."

"No. It's my parents and the Meigi. I can't understand why he is doing this! I know he already loves someone else, so what does he want with me?" I know what he wants with me, actually. He wants to get money from the auction of a pure, royal, inexperienced, and unpaired Sanga. I don't want to bring it up.

"I'm sure he has a reason," Rai says. Then I remember Nano and Papa's exchange. Maybe Rai would have a better understanding of it.

"Papa didn't finish the whipping. Nano stood in front of me and said he'd take it in my place. He said it was mostly his fault. And Papa…"

"What?"

"Papa accepted his proposal."

"Hmm…"

"Before, though, he said something weird. He said, 'But you'd enjoy it.' I don't understand how Papa would even know something like that! And Nano called my father by his name, without any honorifics or respect, as though he were an acquaintance or something."  
  
"Well, your father is from Meigi, right?" Rai says, and his voice sounds a little strange. "Although, the timing doesn't quite add up." He peers down at me for a moment.

"Rai… You know, Nano isn't a cat. He's a demon."

The silver cat doesn't look very surprised. I guess he figured it out before. But still. Is everyone okay with me marrying a _demon_? I continue despite my irritation, trying to keep my voice calm.

"He told me he is what the Meigi worship."

"Ah. Well, that makes sense then. He's ancient, probably. Most likely, he did know your father before he came to Sisa." He gets an odd but knowing look on his face. "Your father knows conjuring magic, doesn't he?"

"Yes, of course. Why?"

"I wonder if he conjured Nano before he came to Sisa."

"I suppose he could have," I say. Rai is still watching my reaction.

"Sorcerers must get lonely from time to time."

"I don't understand what you mean," I reply. I really don't get what he is getting at. "You think Papa conjured Nano for the sake of some company?"

"That's one way to put it," Rai says, and to my utter astonishment, he chuckles softly.

"Is something funny?" I feel slightly offended.

"No. Not at all. It's just you're so… delightfully innocent," he hums softly, also into my ear. He pulls me in close and presses my head against his chest.

"I don't find any of this amusing," I say.

"Relax. We will work something out. I'm sure the demon who the Meigi worship wouldn't come here for no reason. He followed the imposter, after all. He seems like a rational character. He also didn't seem offended that I'd left my scent on you the day he had with you. He knows about us, and he didn't get you in trouble, right?"

"Um. No. He actually has stepped in on my behalf, several times now," I mutter quietly. It's weird. Why would he do that?

"I think he means well. I think he has a reason to be here, too, and perhaps he cannot share it with you. You might be able to figure it out with your bond-"

"No!" I insist. I don't mean to raise my voice but I can't help it. "I will NOT sing for him again."

"You won't be able to help it, Konoe. And really, he is a stronger fighter than me or any of the other Tougas. He has demonic powers we don't have. There must be another way, though. Perhaps…" Rai looks off into the distance thoughtfully.

"I've tried offering him money! I would give him the crown jewels if he wanted them. I think he just wants to humiliate me by selling me at the auction! He said that was why he was here."

"Did he say that selling you was his intention?"

"He didn't," I confess quietly. Maybe Rai is right. Maybe he has another reason to be here, and maybe it involved the imposter, who has now been "taken care of," whatever that means.

"Calm yourself," Rai whispers, rubbing my ears gently. "I'm sure we can work something out. I'm not going anywhere."

"But I will be! I will have to go to Meigi!"

"Then I will follow you. Konoe, perhaps you didn't understand. I've never heard a song like yours before."  
  
"But you haven't paired with anyone else, either. Maybe there are Sanga better than me," I say, sulkily.

"I don't  _want_ any other Sanga. I want you. I will do whatever I have to do to stay by your side."  
  
His words are different. I think, anyway? He is saying, "stay by my side," and not "make you mine."

"Do you think we can escape this place and run away?" I whisper.

"I'm almost certain you would be caught. They had a tail on you the day the Karou Touga took you to town. They knew exactly where you were. It won't take much to find you. And then… you'd lose what you've grown up with. You live in a palace, Konoe. I wouldn't be able to provide for you in the way in which you've been accustomed."  
  
"I don't care about that!" I burst. "I only want to be with you."

"I'd bet the Meigi is much more rational than you give him credit for. I don't know if you saw, but when his betrothal to you was announced, he was as shocked as any of us were. I don't think he expected it. Perhaps I can talk to him."

"Tell him not to marry me," I beg quietly. "Please. I can't belong to a demon."

Rai sighs softly.

"I'm at a disadvantage here, you know. I'm no devil, and I'm no Sanga. I have no magic. I will do my best for you, though. I don't want to let you go. And perhaps, if as you've said, Nano has a lover already, he may allow you to take one, too."

I glance up at Rai.

"Take you as a lover?"  
  
Rai nods briefly.

"You would… be willing to settle for that?" I keep the disappointment out of my voice. Truthfully, I want Rai to be my spouse. I want to make those vows to him. And he is saying... what?

"I would settle for anything to stay by your side," he whispers. "Even if I have to go to hell to get it."

His words send a little shiver down my spine, and I find my body melting into his. I feel so much better now. Just his presence makes me feel better. I lean up and give him a quick kiss on the lips. He grabs me, though, deliberately lengthening it and taking over.

"We might be seen," I whisper. "Papa threatened me."

"Well, you should be very quiet then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An uninspiring summary:
> 
> Nano brings Konoe to the library and outside to talk. Konoe is taken aback by how well Nano knows the palace. When Nano approaches him, Konoe refuses to give consent. He is afraid of the Meigi, confused as to why Nano accepted his proposal if he already loves someone else--and it's obvious he knows Konoe is in love with Rai. Nano doesn't respond in words Konoe understands.
> 
> But Papa Leaks manages to walk in on their conversation in the garden. He punishes Konoe for not respecting Nano's wishes and refusing him, and Konoe protests that after the purification ceremony he thought he was supposed to remain pure till the ceremony. Nothing saves him, and he is whipped outside. And to his surprise, Nano interrupts. He argues with Leaks that it's his job and responsibility and that if it will help, Nano will take Konoe's punishment himself. Leaks thinks a bit and confuses Konoe completely when he says Nano would probably enjoy it. But eventually, he goes along with it, leaving Konoe wondering how Leaks knows Nano. Or would know something like that.
> 
> Rai finds Konoe--just after being whipped yet again, and they talk a little about plans. Rai figures he knows how Leaks knows Nano, and Konoe doesn't quite understand. We leave them in the garden, sneaking around right after Leaks told him to stay away from anyone else.


	4. Konoe Struggles Against Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Konoe takes Rai back to his room and finds he is incredibly nervous.
> 
> Sexual touching in this chapter and a LOT of angst.

I don’t want to be caught with Rai out in the garden, so I pull him through the maze quickly to get to the other side of the palace where the pond is—and my room. No one is in there right now, thankfully. My staff is gone, and I just want some time with Rai.

He seems awful hot for me for some reason. I notice—with just a slight bit of apprehension—two strange things are happening. First, every time Rai touches me—my ears, my tail, my waist—even over my clothes, it feels like a new experience. It’s a very odd sensation since I’ve slept with Rai a handful of times now. So why does everything feel weird? Could it be from that ceremony? Is my body really back to the way it was and is it even different? Wasn’t that just all symbolic and the ceremony designed to put me in my submissive place?

Second, and this is slightly more disturbing, Rai seems awfully focused on touching parts of me that have been waxed. He has untucked my shirt—while kissing me—and his fingers are tickling the spot just below my navel. Is that why this feels so weird?

“Wait,” I say, putting my hands on his and pushing away from him for a moment. I am afraid. I am terrified that if Rai touches me, someone is going to find out. Someone will find out that I am no longer pure. What would my parents do to me if they found out? “Just a second.”  
  
Rai stops his hands, but he still is smelling my ears.

“Mmm. You just smell so nice.”

“Do I smell different?”

“What?” Rai stops and meets my gaze. “What do you mean?”

“I mean—I’m worried about the purification ceremony. What if…?”

“What?”

“What if that ceremony really worked? What if my parents find out I’m no longer pure?”

“I’m pretty sure that was all symbolic.” Rai smiles just a little, almost as though he knows something I don't.  
  
“I thought so, too—at least till they dunked me in that water and put that magic salve on my body afterward. It really burned!”

“We can stop, Konoe. If you want, I will stop.” Rai’s blue gaze meets mine, but his eyes are full of heat.

“I don’t want to, but I’m scared. I am so scared, Rai!” Tears blur my vision, and I have to hold back a sob. I’m an adult now, right? I’m of age! I don’t think I’ve cried as much in my entire life as I have this week. It’s ridiculous!

“Shh. Just stop. It’s okay.” His hands stroke over my ears and on my back—but I feel one of them itching go reach down to my tail.

“No! None of this is okay. Maybe you could take me out of here!”  
  
“Konoe,” Rai says, his voice serious. “I’m sure the Meigi has something in mind. If he really has a lover at home, what would he want with you?”

“He’s going to sell me!”

"Have you told your parents?"

"I tried but they refuse to listen!" I'm really frustrated. But then I wonder. Did I specifically tell Dad about Nano's plans and instructions to steal me away from the castle to sell me? 

“If he does, I will buy you.”

“But what if you can’t?”

“I’ll break you out. I will go with you. I can wait.”

Now, tears really do slip down my cheeks. A cat like him—as kind and gentle and handsome as him—shouldn’t put his life on hold for someone like me. Not for someone who betrayed his love and his trust for the sake of his own person! I couldn’t handle a beating, and so I give up on my love?

“Hey, don’t cry. It will be all right.”

A loud meow slips out of my mouth—and it sounds so damned childish! Like I haven’t gotten my own way and now I’m crying like a baby. I’m embarrassed. He _shouldn’t_ be with me. He needs someone as good as he is!

When the thought crosses my mind, I recall what we have done together. He let me fuck him, for gods’ sake. I mean—why would he do that? Doesn’t he know what a coward I am? What cat in their right mind would allow me to do anything like that?!

“Oy, it’s okay.”  
  
“But I—”

“Konoe.” I love it when this silver cat says my name. Despite my anxiety, hearing my name in that tone sends a shiver down my spine and makes the fur I still have stand on end. “Look. You can’t go back and change anything. You need to let go and think about the future. If he has a lover, it’s possible he will allow you to take one as well. I will wait for you.”

“But I don’t think I’m worth it…”

“Konoe.” Just my name this time, followed by a pause, his hand brushing my chin. A soft nudge to make me look up and meet his eyes. “I do. And that’s my decision, isn’t it? Whether I will wait for you or not?”

I suppose he’s right. And what the hell, we’re here now. I guess what comes next can’t be helped. I allow myself to melt back into his arms. I want him to touch me—even if it feels a little intimidating and weird. I mean, really! It feels like my first time. Especially when I feel his hand at the base of my tail slipping a little lower.

“M-maybe we should, er, I don’t know,” I start.

“Do you want me to stop? It’s okay if you do. I was trying to gauge from your reactions.”

“Um, I’m still a little worried.”  
  
“What about something like our first night together?” Rai whispers into my ear. “Would that be acceptable?”

That would be perfect, I think, and instead of answering directly, as I should, I agree with a kiss, cradling his face in both my hands. And then, after he meets my lips, I quickly start to strip off my clothes—and grabbing at his.

“You’ll understand why I found your responses confusing,” Rai muses, and he has a slight smirk on his lips. “Weren’t you trying to be more direct? Yesterday? Isn't that what you told me?”

“Um…”

“Maybe you should be more direct. What do you want, kitten?”

I look at Rai to see if he’s being serious, feeling my ears flood with heat. And just like I felt the very first night together, I can’t speak. At the moment, I can’t fathom that I ever told him I wanted to top him—and how did I say it? Did I actually say I wanted to make love to him or fuck him? My gods!

But Rai’s smile is insisting I say something—at least, he’s stopped moving. It feels just a little teasing—and slightly annoying. I open my mouth and nothing comes out. So I try again.

“This really feels, um, new to me.”

“New?”

“I mean, I feel as nervous as I did the first night we were together.”

“Really? Huh. Maybe that purification ceremony worked its magic on you. But don’t worry. I’ll stop teasing you now… Although, if you want me to stop or do something different, you need to tell me. With your hands, if you can’t get your lips moving.”

I guess that’s reasonable, but reason is far from my mind.

I enjoy his touch so much—that tenderness and gentleness—and I need it after the past two days. I mean, yes, we were together yesterday morning. But it feels so much longer. I can’t imagine being apart from him for longer than a day.

I’m still only dressed in the white piece of silk, and that is easily removed. In fact, since I’m nude underneath, it really doesn’t need to come off at all, but the silver cat is insistent.

“I hated that I could hear you—in your parents’ chambers—yesterday. It grieves my heart. And this,” he touches the collar around my neck, “is barbaric."

“What?”

“It’s why you couldn’t sing, isn't it?”  
  
Then it occurs to me that I almost always sing during sex, and my body is trying to—right now—and the collar is heating up. It’s not as hot as it was last night, of course—not enough to singe my skin—but it’s uncomfortably stifling.

“But I want to sing to you.”

“It’s all right. I will wait. Just relax.” He pulls me on top of him, as he sits down on the chaise—and I am sure we’ve had sex here before… so why can’t I remember how it feels? It bothers me—almost to a point of distraction. But for now, I want Rai’s shirt off. I unbutton it, feeling desperate and slightly insecure. Are these insecure feelings because I can’t sing?

I manage to strip off his shirt, and I am straddling his lap, naked. It’s much more comfortable in this position for me—since my ass doesn’t run the risk of being dragged along the fabric. It’s still so sore—but weirdly, I don’t mind the soreness when he touches me. I just want to feel his body heat. We are kissing like it’s been a month since we’ve been together… and then, part of me realizes this might be the last time I am ever able to touch him. Is this going to be enough?

A sob slips out of my mouth—and another soft meow—which Rai elegantly ignores. Well, he hears it. I see his ears twitch. They twitch when I meow or growl, I notice. And sing. Maybe he loves me for more than my song.

But I just want to feel that bond—feel his desire for me in my mind and my heart and my soul when I sing. I miss the thrum of the invisible, magic bond between us. This feels… second rate. And so I work harder—kissing him more fervently, touching him despite my shyness.

It hasn’t occurred to me how long we’ve been in my chambers alone. Nor has it occurred to me that anyone might be watching my behavior—or policing it.

In fact, I’m naked when the door to my chambers opens—and I’m raring to go. I want Rai to touch me and I’m ready for him to strip down. I’m reaching for his belt and unbuckling it. But I am so eager that I don’t even hear the door opening. But Rai does, and he freezes. He’s still in his pants—technically he’s not naked yet—but his movement stops suddenly, ears pricked up, and that makes me worry.

I look up—and it’s my dad. He looks _pissed_.

He walks up to me quickly—completely ignoring my nudity and grabs me by the ear, pulling me roughly off my silver Touga. I mewl pitifully—my ears have always been fair game, even as a child, and the action is so embarrassing and humiliating, especially considering what I’m doing right now.

“You need to get the fuck out of here. Now. If my husband finds you here, he will _kill_ you.”

I have never heard Dad speak like that before, and I try to beg Rai to leave—remembering how hesitant he was to leave me with my parents when they found me kissing him outside the dining room the night before last.

“Go,” Dad orders.

I see Rai hesitate. I know what he is thinking. He is thinking, “This is my responsibility. I can’t leave Konoe here alone with his dad. He will be hurt again.”

But even if Rai can hear and feel my pain when I cry, he needs to get the fuck out of here in order to survive! If he dies—because Papa finds him with me—his death will be on me and I will be completely hopeless.

“Please, Rai. Go.” I manage to squeak out the three words as best as I can—and that damned gold collar around my neck feels like it tightens. Am I trying to sing to him? To communicate my thoughts and feelings in song? I don’t care that I'm feeling faint.

Too slow for my preference, Rai stands up and quickly gathers his clothes.

“I’m not kidding. I understand the impulsive nature of young love, but my husband does not see things this way. He has a hard time remembering what our life was like in the beginning. He has a hard time imagining anyone else could feel as strongly as he felt.” Dad doesn’t sound that angry at Rai. And then… it occurs to me that he isn’t. He’s angry at _me_.

He doesn’t say another word until Rai sneaks out the way we came in. It’s as if my love for him is something secret or shameful. I feel terrible—and worse, I’m still naked. In front of my dad.

As soon as the glass door closes behind the silver cat, and he disappears from view, Dad pushes me down on the chaise and glares down at me. I look around with my ears lowered, one throbbing terribly and loudly, for my clothes. I find the silk robe and pull it over my lap.

“Oh, _stop_ it. You’re about to wed an _incubus_. You’re going to have to leave your sense of modesty and propriety behind. Aside from the fact that what you were _just_ doing with the silver cat was anything _but_ modest. I can't believe you!”

I look up, slightly shocked. What Dad just said goes against everything he and Papa have ever tried to teach me. What is he saying? Modesty is worthless? I am beginning to believe that myself.

“Wipe that shocked expression off your face, kitten. I know what you’ve been doing this week. I know with whom and how often. However you justify yourself, it’s the same in the end.”  
  
“B-but I love Rai…” I curl my tail up on my lap, and it’s bristled fully. It gives me just another slight shield of decorum.

“That doesn't matter anymore. What _does_ matter is that you keep yourself pure till the ceremony! Surely you have it in you to do that! It's only for two days! Your father spent a lot of effort and time on that ritual.”  
  
“Did _you_ have to do that? The purification? When you met Papa?” I ask him directly, and to my surprise, Dad looks away.

“No.”

I am speechless. If _he_ didn’t have to do this, where the hell is this custom coming from? Why did I just go through that god-awful humiliation?  
  
“Dad, Nano is a demon—a _sex_ demon—an incubus. Plus, he spent the last night with me. He knows I’m no virgin. Why the hell would you put me through such a mortifying ceremony?… For _him_? Just to marry an incubus?”

Dad turns to look at me, green eyes sparkling with irritation.

“It’s precisely _because_ Nano is a demon that we performed that ceremony,” he replies.

I don’t understand.

“You are a virgin sacrifice to him now—a clean slate—for him to…”  
  
“ _Defile_?!” I spit the word. Nano’s words come back into my mind. Out in the garden, he told me that white was the most dangerous color. He was talking about me!  
  
Then, a burst of anger rushes through my system. Why the hell does Nano speak in such riddles?! Why couldn’t he just _tell_ me straight out, so I would understand!

“He said he would have enjoyed it more if I had enjoyed myself,” I say rebelliously. “He didn’t even _want_ it! He knows it’s bullshit!”

“Don’t use that word with me! I’m still your father. And he’s lying to you. He wants you now more than ever. I could see it in his eyes. Trust me. I know.”

“But he said—”

“Just shut your mouth and listen! For the sake of your own happiness, for the sake of your own body, don’t defy me. Just listen. I’m afraid if your father finds you’re continuing to persist in your stubborn defiance that he won’t be able to heal you before your wedding!”  
  
“Why would I need to be healed? I mean, Nano saw me—he saw Papa—beating me over already welted skin!” It’s ridiculous. “It upset him enough so he took my place today.”

“He did? Today?” Dad asks, his ears perking up. “Nano took your place _today_? Leaks agreed to this?”

I shut my mouth quickly, but Dad grabs my chin. I don't want to talk to him about what Papa saw. Plus... why does Dad care so much?

“...Where are they now?”

I can’t ignore his question. I lower my eyes and my chin is wrenched up again. That stupid collar around my neck is burning me again, and Dad seems to realize it. Why does he care so much about the demon? His tone almost sounds... jealous?

“Don’t you defy me! Tell me what happened!”

“ _Nothing_! I did nothing!”

“Your father wouldn’t beat you for nothing. You bear part of his soul—his life force. It resides inside you! It hurts him to punish you, which is why I am having him do it instead of seeing to your obnoxious behavior myself! So tell me, did he do it in front of you or did he take Nano off somewhere?”

My ears are completely flat against my skull. Beating me physically hurts Papa? Why the hell would he do it? What the hell could possibly be so important?  
  
“Why?” I sob. “Why would you do this? Why would you both do this? You are standing against my true love for—”

“Don’t speak the silver cat’s name again in my presence, or I will have him arrested and held in the dungeon. You don’t want to know what sort of unspeakable acts goes on there! That is where your fiancé took care of the imposter! And you don't even want to know what he did to the Ransen Touga down there!”

“I don’t understand. What do you mean?” Nano was in the dungeon? He did tell me he "took care" of Shiki. But what exactly does that mean? Did he kill him? And on that note, is the Ransen Touga dead as well? What the hell is going on?

“It isn’t important. What is important is that you _comply_. Listen. Nano isn’t the cat you think he is.”

“He’s no cat at all! I told you! You and Papa are wedding me to a _demon_!”

“Nano is NOT a normal demon! Trust me on this. Has he ever hurt you? He's an _incubus_! He will make your wildest dreams come true, Konoe. You will know true power, a power I have only begun to actualize in my latter years. You have a chance to be something truly great! This is the kind of chance that only comes along once in a lifetime!” Dad sounds awfully sincere, and that throws me for a moment. It quiets my rage just a little, but not my rebellion.

“That’s easy for you to say. You got to marry both the woman you love and the man you loved as well!”

“You do not get to speak to me as though you know my life!” Dad shouts at me. Despite myself, my fangs bare and claws draw at his vehemence. “If you would calm your foolish, inexperienced heart for just a moment, you would understand that _you too_ can have the best of both worlds! Nano will let you have Rai—if you please him.”

“I don’t _want_ to please him!” I protest. And what does Dad even mean about Nano letting me have Rai? Like what Rai said? About buying me? When I'm put up for auction. “It even goes against what he taught me when we spent the night together! I don’t _have_ to be submissive just because I’m a Sanga!”

“Actually, you _do_. All children have to submit to their parents, but you especially _because_ you are a royal prince and a Sanga, Konoe. This is for your own good! Just trust me on this! I promise you'll thank me later!”

I don’t like being scolded. I especially dislike when Dad scolds me, though Papa has done it frequently, even before the past week or so. Hearing Dad speak to me this way… what does he even think of me? He must really see me as a child!

“I’m not a baby! You even said I might find love this week—and I did! I cannot believe you and Papa are okay with giving me to a sex demon who already _has_ a lover and has plans to sell me at auction the moment we arrive in Meigi! You say I'll have the best of both worlds, but I will have nothing! I will be a _slave_!” At this, Dad chuckles.

"Konoe, you're not going to be sold at auction." Dad's voice has calmed somewhat.

"How can you know that? I told you, Nano already _has_ someone he loves! He told me he was instructed to do just that, bring me home whether he won the competition or not and sell me at auction—"

"Trust me, my son. Of all people, Nano is _not_ going to sell you. Even if he has a lover."

"How can you know that?"

"Kitten, don't you know where your father comes from?"

I lower my ears. He's a former Meigi as well. I don't open my mouth but I don't have to. Dad knows I know.

"Exactly. Your father received the same orders when he first came here. Every Touga from Meigi receives that 'order,' as it were. Rarely has it ever been carried through."

I notice right here that Dad says "rarely," rather than "never." My fur bristles and stands on end in fear.

"Rarely? Meaning, it _has_ happened?"

"Well, yes. But only _once_ during the entire history of Sanga princes and princesses has it ever happened. And as I said, your father didn't comply with the order, either. No Meigi Touga ever does. They are too obsessed with their own research. They don't care about money."

"Well, Papa may have been. But Nano doesn't _have_ any research. He's what the Meigi worship! He knows that a Sanga like me, unbonded and inexperienced, would fetch a lot at auction!" Dad sighs.

"I can assure you with 100% certainty that Nano, demon or not, is _not_ going to sell you. Relax."

"But Papa—Papa loved you! Even back then, he _loved_ you. But Nano _doesn't_ love me! He loves someone else."

"Konoe, Nano is a demon. He's an incubus. Of course, it's a given that he has a lover in Meigi. At _least_ one. And he will have multiple lovers for the rest of his life. He will need them. He depends on sex for survival, you understand. There's no way a single mortal could _ever_ meet his needs. He won't sell you if you're of use to him. And as it stands, I have it on good authority that he likes you. Quite a bit. Be nice to him, and he'll repay you in kind."

Of _use_? What is that supposed to mean? I have to lie back and take whatever is forced on me? For the rest of my life?

“Don’t ever speak of your betrothed like that again. And please. Do your best. And... for the love of the gods, don’t let your father catch you disobeying your fiancé or resisting him. I’m afraid of what he’d do if he caught you alone with the silver cat. You're lucky I walked in first and stopped you.”

I nod, feeling tears in my eyes.

“You will thank me someday. I promise you will have the opportunity to learn from the very best. Nano has never made an appearance at an event like this. You are lucky to have attracted such a powerful ally." He pats my head. "So tell me... where is he now? Did your father take Nano somewhere?”

"I think he did, yeah. I think they were headed for his study. Why?"

Dad doesn't answer, but he has a strange glint in his eye.

“If you’re concerned you can’t keep yourself to yourself, then just stay in your chambers. I’m sure the silver cat won’t be back.”

“Please, don’t hurt Rai,” I beg suddenly, looking at Dad directly. “Please.”

“I won’t _have_ to if you decline his advances and steer clear of him until the ceremonies are complete.”

I nod again, miserably.

“Why not take dinner in your chambers tonight? That will keep you the safest. I’m sure your father will be paying you a visit later on. And your fiancé, too, if you're lucky. Papa will probably try to heal your skin. It will be much easier to submit to the consummation and much less embarrassing for you if your skin isn’t so bruised.”

I nod, keeping silent. It doesn't occur to me till later that Dad mentions that the consummation will be embarrassing. It doesn't occur to me that there would be anything public about that ceremony at all.

Dad stands up and leans over to kiss me. I don’t move away from him. I feel absolutely exhausted.

“Go wash and soak in the tub. This is the last night you will ever be lonely. I promise you that. I’ll have the staff send in your dinner.”

He turns to leave, a nostalgic look on his face. I stop him, touching the collar on my neck.

“Please, will you take this off? It’s stifling.”

“You may ask your father. I don’t have the power to disenchant it. It’s for your own protection.”

I wilt again, my ears and tail following suit. I’m devastated. But I nod slowly. At least I tried.

Dad leaves, and I hear—to my shock—the door clicking behind him. He’s locked me in. I mean—I could still get out of the garden, couldn’t I?  
  
But I know I shouldn’t. I don’t want to be a danger to Rai. He might do something reckless. I’m useless to him as a Sanga with this damned collar. Of course, he’d never want to escape with me while this collar is on.

I drop the book on the table to read after my bath and after I’m dressed and decent. Mortification floods me once again when I realize my dad actually walked in on my lover and me. But I push it out of my mind—just like I keep pushing those visions from Nano out of my mind—and head to my bathing chamber. I need to relax.


End file.
